Every year the Bulwer-Lytton Competition asks people to come up with the worst opening sentence of an imaginary novel. This year's winner:Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped "Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J."
- Garrison Spik, Washington, D.C.
The rest of the winners here. You should jump on over, there are some classics. My fav is the winner of the romance section. Brilliant. There's also one by Diana Moloney near the bottom which cracked me up.
28 comments:
that is on scary looking clown on your circus cricus story.
wow,
you're still reading all the way down there? Yup the Circus Circus clown is very very disturbing.
thanks for the comment
adrian...
That example is one preposition of short of a good Bruce Springsteen line:
"A checkered taxi ride (of) burning rubber."
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Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Peter
You and I both know that Bruce would never use Jersey as a comic foil. Could be the start of a Lou Reed song though.
Thanks for the comment
Adrian...
Think of it:
"A checkered taxi of burning rubber" scans perfectly to the music of "Born to Run." Sub it for "The highway's jammed with broken heroes," and you'll see what I mean.
Pardon my fading mental powers if I've mentioned this elsewhere, by the way, but a colleague recently returned from a trip to his native Bombay/Mumbai corroborates your account of street cricket. On weekends, he said, when business is not being transacted, the area around the stock exchange becomes an improvised cricket ground.
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Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Peter
I even got the missus to play when we were there and she loved it. Now if only I could get her interested in baseball...
I could never understand this line "the Rangers had a home coming in Harlem late last night". As far as I understand it the Rangers have never played in Harlem. Even the Harlem Globetrotters dont play in Harlem.
A...
That line's from "Jungleland," isn't it? Springsteen's early lyrics read and sound like embarrassingly overwrought high school poetry, and that song is a late example of his early work.
By the way, I will be in Ireland soon, and I have an offer of a tour of the murals in Belfast. Any suggestions for the itinerary will be welcome via e-mail or here.
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Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Pytor,
Just dont do it on foot or alone for God's sake. Yes there are ceasefires but some people might object to you taking photographs of certain murals and it is August, so technically still the "marching season." The black taxi tour is probably a good bet. Gerard B. will know more about that than me.
You should blog some of your pics before they all get painted over with cows in fields with the words "Hope" and "Peace" in big friendly sans serif letters underneath. If you dont have a lot of time I suggest Sandy Row, The Shankill, The Falls and Andy Town. Also make sure you get a drink in one of the snugs in the Crown Bar, for my money the most iconic locale in the whole city.
Thanks for the tips. Gerard B. is my would-be guide, and I will be sure to raise the questions you suggest.
Pytor,
Just don't let him take you to any of the really dangerous places in the interests of getting a good pic. The pair of you getting lost in Rathcoole Estate for example sends chills down my spine.
A...
Thanks. I have no particular thirst for adventure, and I'll remember to be careful.
I did a Web search for "Rathcoole Estate" and found one especially chilling mural, along with cheery comments from people who had photographed. Still, I shall be wary.
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Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
peter
if youve a different kind of thirst, theres always my sister's pub The Joymount Arms in Carrickfergus.
A..
Well, I do have a thing for Norman architecture, so I just might visit your home town.
==============
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://www.detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Peter
I was going to say "prepare to be underwhelmed" but who knows you might get a kick out of it. My sister's pub is about 150 yards from the castle, north along the front.
A...
Watching Felicia walk into the bar was like watching two fat Rottweilers in yellow spandex and spike heels that had treed a scrawny bleach blond cat at the top of a skinny flagpole that for some reason had decided to sprout casaba melons.
Melissa Alliston
Coraopolis, PA
Erm, wasn't this the opening line of Carl Hiassen's second novel?
In Sri Lanka, I came across a cricket match being played along a winding road on the side of a mountain. No kidding, an actual mountain. A decent connection and you'd have hit a six million. Cheers, Dec
Dec
And I thought you were a kind man. Carl H. indeed.
You should spill some Sri Lanka stories our way. It sounds like a completely fascinating place.
A...
Melissa Alliston's entry was better than the winner. But nothing on the list compares to last year's winner in the detective category:
"I'd been tailing this guy for over an hour while he tried every trick in the book to lose me: going down side streets, doubling back, suddenly veering into shop doorways, jumping out again, crossing the street, looking for somewhere to make the drop, and I was going to be there when he did it because his disguise as a postman didn't have me fooled for a minute."
==============
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://www.detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Peter,
Do you have a link to last year's winners?
A,,,
Last years winners are in a blog post here. I could find them on the Bulwer-Lytton Web site.
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Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
I meant I could NOT find them on the Bulwer-Lytton site.
thanks Peter, yup there are some good ones over there too.
That Swedish one is not just so bad that it's good, it's just plain good. I'd bet that guy has done a lot of writing in his time.
===================
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Peter,
I remember reading that under a pseudonym Graham Greene used to enter the Graham Greene Parody Contest every year in The Daily Telegraph and one year he got second place.
A...
Adrian,
I've finished "Dead I Well May Be," and the info revealed in the Coda was a helluva surprise to me.
I've now begun "The Dead Yard," but I'm not even out of the first chapter yet. I am especially glad that either you or your editor decided that quotation marks for dialogue are acceptable in this one. I dunno whether it's just me or 50 years of reading habit, but I had a hard time without them in DIWMB.
Linkmeister,
We had too many letters complaining so I put them in for Dead Yard and in the pbk of Dead I Well May Be. I took them out because I wanted to be kind of like Michael, narrating his adventure across a bar stool, doing the voices himself and putting his own spin on events.
All very well in theory, but you and several other people demanded I put them back in so I did for all the subsequent editions.
The Coda to book 1 is why I say you dont really have to read book 2
sequentially. It helps a little for book 3 but it basically can be read as a stand alone.
adrian...
Ah. Well, I can agree with the theory but regret the practice (kinda like Communism).
You'd have to have been all "As you know, Bob" to put in a Prologue explaining Michael's method of exposition.
"Graham Greene used to enter the Graham Greene Parody Contest every year in The Daily Telegraph and one year he got second place."
Who won?
Peter,
Alas I dont remember. Its a pretty famous story, I'm sure somebody somewhere knows.
Linkmeister,
Maybe thats why everyone claims it works well (better?) as an audiobook.
;(
a...
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