Every year I have entered the Bulwer Lytton Worst Opening Line contest in which you submit the worst opening line to a novel (in various categories). I've never won or placed. I thought I'd share with you my two entries for next year. Feel free to enter yourselves. There's no cash prize...just glory.
worst opening line (general category)
The sky was the color of an M&M that you find by accident while rummaging around the back of your sofa for your missing car keys, an M&M that’s been there since at least January 1998 when you were diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and forced to give up the candy covered chocolate treats.
worst opening line (horrible puns)
Natasha, the Russian mail order bride, found it hard to adjust after being fired from the assembly line at Burt’s Bees Skin Care Products - one time her husband even caught her smearing Lip Restorer With Pomegranite Oil on their Slumberland pillow, and, when asked why, she told him: “I love the smell of lip balm in the morning, it smells like factory.”