Every year I have entered the Bulwer Lytton Worst Opening Line contest in which you submit the worst opening line to a novel (in various categories). I've never won or placed. I thought I'd share with you my two entries for next year. Feel free to enter yourselves. There's no cash prize...just glory.worst opening line (general category)
The sky was the color of an M&M that you find by accident while rummaging around the back of your sofa for your missing car keys, an M&M that’s been there since at least January 1998 when you were diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and forced to give up the candy covered chocolate treats.
worst opening line (horrible puns)
Natasha, the Russian mail order bride, found it hard to adjust after being fired from the assembly line at Burt’s Bees Skin Care Products - one time her husband even caught her smearing Lip Restorer With Pomegranite Oil on their Slumberland pillow, and, when asked why, she told him: “I love the smell of lip balm in the morning, it smells like factory.”
6 comments:
"... lip balm in the morning..." Hah! You're an evil genius, mate.
gb
Ger
I love a good pun. You should check out their website, some of last yaers entries had me in tears.
Isn't it cheating if you only submit a first line? The winners should be forced to write down the entire novel.
cheers,
Marco
Marco
That would be excrutiating torture.
They have published an anthology of all their winners over the years and even that is a bit hard to take in one session.
A...
Re:horrible puns.
Found on the internet
No comment
A font walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we don’t serve your type here.” and he called the Serif.
by David
David
I like it. But unlike so many of my countrymen, I love puns. My current favourite book title is Dana Andrews's We'll Always Have Parrots.
Thanks man
a...
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