Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Grasshopper Lies Heavy

Thank you Peter Rozovsky at Detectives Beyond Borders who has seen fit to give this blog a Grasshopper Award for blogging excellence. And here was me thinking I was just spewing any old rubbish post after post. Clearly Peter has sifted through that Dumpster of words to find a few valuable recyclables. And since it doesn't look like I'll have any other opportunity to do so I might as well just give you my Oscar acceptance speech which I wrote a while back: "Thank you members of the Academy. This is a great honor. I came here to Hollywood as a mere lad ten years ago with a simple dream and a plan - to stalk Phoebe Cates, kidnap her and make her fall in love with me. But tonight this award has made me forget that plan. Sorry Phoebe, you missed your chance, kid. This Award means a lot to me but it's a team effort and I accept this on behalf of the great team McKinty. I'd like to thank my manicurist Raul, my agent Bob, my aura reader Carol, my spirit guide Chief Running Bear, my stylist Ramon, my life coach Sue and of course Dr Larry Barnes who repaired my kneecaps after my unfortunate remark about Whitey Bulger. Thank you all. . . Finally, I dedicate this award to that brave prisoner of conscience Nelson Mandela, one day, good sir, I hope you will breathe the sweet air of freedom!"