Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Avatar is The Abyss, not Aliens

Don't believe the critics who tell you that Avatar is a great film: these guys are paid shills, corporate hacks, sell-outs and professional boosters for the film industry. Do believe me because I have no axe to grind, except maybe against James Cameron's beardy face. Avatar is a headache inducing bore of colossal proportions. The first four hours are like a really bad National Geographic special on New Guinea. We are supposed to be awe struck by 3 D digital plants and pseudo Native American blue aliens. The grumbling in my cinema started an hour in and then the grumbling became groans, a couple of walk outs, and then quite a few people in my row started taking their 3 D glasses off to give their eyeballs a break. The hours crawled by and it just went on and on with lines like: "I fell in love with the forest and then I fell in love with you." Ugh. Remember that cool bit in Titanic where the falling dude hits the propeller? - there isn't even a bit like that. To quote Michael Palin in the lion tamer sketch: its just dull, dull, deadly dull. The last act of the film is better but by this time my brain had forced me into a protective coma so I couldn't really appreciate it. I'll admit I was nervous about Avatar because of the extended trailer, but I liked T1, T2 and Aliens and expected a lot more of Cameron than a cheesy Thomas Covenant rip off. Yeah that's right I said Thomas Covenant rip off, namely Vol 2 The Ill Earth War. I have read everything! BTW whoever calls this film science fiction does not understand the concept of science fiction. This is a mid 80's era fantasy film, nothing more nothing less. The one consolation in the whole brain damaging mess is Sam Worthington who is clearly going to be the new Russell Crowe. If you havent seen Avatar, if I were you, I'd stick on Nickelodeon and watch Avatar: The Last Airbender instead - a kids cartoon with better dialogue, mythology and effects that wont give you a headache.