Dear Mr Jackson, I'll come straight to the point, The Hobbit starts filming in six months and I want to be in it. I know that you've said that only New Zealanders will be considered as extras because of government restrictions and ok I'm a Mick but please hear me out. First of all I read The Hobbit in 1977 when I was about nine so I am no Johnnie come lately to this franchise and I've read the book at least three times since so I am familiar with the material. Second of all I played The Hobbit module in MERP many times (about six people on Earth will understand what this means). Third of all I played The Hobbit video game on the Sinclair Spectrum which was the slowest loading video game in the history of the world and required great patience and strength of character. Fourth of all although I own a copy of Karen Fonstad's Atlas of Middle Earth I promise I am not a nutter....
Fifthly (and this is my most important argument) the mission to The Lonely Mountain was a joint enterprise which brought in Dwarves from all over Middle Earth. Dwarves came from The Iron Hills, The Blue Mountains etc. etc. and it would be a mistake if you gave them all the same Englishy actor accent which we saw a lot of in The Lord of the Rings. There should be important regional variations in the Dwarvish accents in the new films. Thorin of course could speak BBC English, but you should also have regional accents and dialects to show that these are Dwarves from all over the world. Now here's my point, although I've never actually acted in anything I think you should have a Belfast accent in there and I can do one. Here's an audio file of me on Radio New Zealand ! I can also do Gorbals Glasgow and a serviceable Brummie so please Mr Jackson (and of course Mr del Torro) think of the integrity of the story and give me a call. It doesn't have to be Balin or one of the glamour roles, Oin would be fine or even poor doomed Fili (er, spoiler alert). Also I can grow my own beard too which is more than you can say for Orlando Bloom.
23 comments:
Here, Adrian, just get one of these and put yourself in the movie.
It'll be a lot more fun than standing around in front of a green screen inside a warehouse in Auckland for hours and hours.
I was really hoping when I saw one comment here that it would be from Peter Jackson saying "You're hired!"
But, John, your idea is good too.
Adrian, it might help if you could pull out that leprechaun suit and post a picture of yourself wearing it here, so that Mr. Jackson could get a sense of how you'd look as a non-human. Because I've heard that radio interview, and I'm not sure your Belfast Irish is as pure as it once was.
Adrian, you have my vote. I think Brian Cox is being tapped as Thorin but yes, as one of his ill-fated young cousins? Fili or Kili? I remember in the Moria MERP accessory there was a map which showed that dwarves were all over Middle-Earth, basically showing up at every construction project ever attempted, so the accent should help.
I don't know if you caught this guy when he was in Australia recently, I should've given you the heads up. Charles Ross, a Canadian boy from Vancouver, he actually does a pretty terrific job of doing a one-man production of the LOTR and Star Wars trilogies, breaking them down into 3 20-minute stints. Tremendous fun.
http://www.youtube.com/user/charlieonemanshow
Coincidentally my LOTRO character is about to move into Mirkwood to assault Dol Guldur. Wish me luck! That Witch-King ain't so tough!
John
Thats pretty cool. How much do you think costs?
Its probably a warehouse in Wellington isnt it? Good luck with your own film project BTW. When does your show debut on CBS? Must be soon, right?
Seana
Oh the accent can get much stronger than that. In fact I can do three or four different Northern Irish accents, including what I like to think of as my most successful: UTV newsreader Julian Simmons whose camp West Belfast brogue is legendary.
Matt
Hey I really liked that kid. Reminded me of Star Wars Uncut which is very close to completion, incientally.
I watched the Seige of Mirkwood trailer on YouTube. It looks pretty good. That is going to be the second of the Hobbit films isnt it?
Oh. In that case, maybe you could offer to play more than one character. Go for the tighter budget,'times are tough all over' angle.
Seana
I'm sure it will cost less than Avatar.
Matt
Actually I just read on the guardian that Peter Jackson has now abandoned his plans (from only a few weeks ago!) to have film 2 cover the period between the hobbit and LOTR. Instead they are going to split the hobbit story into two films which doesnt seem such a brillant idea.
It's funny that it would make perfect sense if, say, HBO was going to cut up the book into episodes, but it somehow smacks of exploitation that a moviemaker does the same thing.
I haven't seen Avatar--it's not even out yet, is it?--but I suspect that it goes to show that not even money solves all directorial problems. You'd think it would, but no.
Seana
I dont think The Hobbit has a good natural break in it. One 3 hour action packed film would be perfect, two 3 hour films sounds not so wonderful. Of course as someone on the Guardian website said the last hour will just be Hobbits weeping as Gandalf says goodbye to them.
Of course Mr Jackson I disassociate myself from such remarks.
Of course the question then becomes, how well can you cry?
I suppose the pressures to make two films out of this in some way are pretty irresistable. Isn't there some Lost Tale or something that could be the second film?
Seana
There are about a dozen books of lost tales edited by Christopher Tolkein (which I havent read) and a 500 page long prequel to The Hobbit called The Silmarillion which I have.
There's plenty of material out there. If you cant make a film out of it you're just not trying.
oops that was me
That's funny, because it actually was you. Temporary identity crisis? Don't worry about it--it happens to me all the time.
er, yeah
Why don't the Book of Lost Tales fall within range of your completist canon, though? I mean, I know why I wouldn't read it, but I'm curious why you wouldn't.
Seana
I am a completist. I read all 6 Dune books, which was just crazy. However the first of the Lost Tales books really defeated me - it was basically The Silmarillion in even greater and more academic detail.
I have to say that I am never that much interested in the world building aspect of fantasy worlds, including all the language and lore. I'm glad they built it, but then I just want to move on with the story.
I suppose I'd really be the Ugly American tourist on a visit to Middle Earth. Stepping on hobbit feet, not bothering to learn the language and all the rest of it.
I'm glad they're not touching Aragorn again because I think they botched him a bit in the earlier movies. Since when was Aragorn a reluctant hero? "I have never wanted to reclaim the throne of Gondor." Buh-wuh?
They could do a bit about the loss of Moria, the growing enmity between the elves and the dwarves...But I agree, a 3-hour flick would be perfect. Ron Perlman always winds up in Del Toro's films and I think he'd make a terrific Beorn.
Adrian, I'm not sure what your thoughts were on Ridley Scott's Kingdom of Heaven, but I was a little bummed after hearing Paul Bettany was Scott's first choice over Bloom for the lead in the film.
Peter Berg was going to adapt Dune for film, but dropped it in favour of a live-action Battleship film. Make of that what you will...
Matt
A bridge film would be awesome: Mirkwood, Moria, hell we'd even get to see Radagast, but they're not going to do it. I wonder if the real reason is that they dont own the rights to do it. The Tolkien estate sold the Hobbit and LOTR but not the other books...
I think there's a perfect natural break in The Hobbit, right at the point where, refreshed and resupplied and counseled by Beorn, the company parts with Gandalf and prepares to enter Mirkwood.
Or if Jackson needs to give more screen time to giant spiders and Smaug and the Battle of Five Armies, and less to trolls and Elrond and the goblins amd wargs of the Misty Mountains, then he could break it just after "Thag you very buch", as the company, refreshed and resupplied etc. departs Esgaroth for the Lonely Mountain.
(I've read the book more than twenty times; I've read it _aloud_ three times.)
Joel
I wonder if he'll keep the Beorn episode. The bit with the sheep servants etc. has always seemed a bit weird.
Wouldnt you prefer though to see one action packed 3 hour movie with a beginning, a middle and an end?
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