Saturday, December 12, 2009

An Open Letter To Peter Jackson

Dear Mr Jackson, I'll come straight to the point, The Hobbit starts filming in six months and I want to be in it. I know that you've said that only New Zealanders will be considered as extras because of government restrictions and ok I'm a Mick but please hear me out. First of all I read The Hobbit in 1977 when I was about nine so I am no Johnnie come lately to this franchise and I've read the book at least three times since so I am familiar with the material. Second of all I played The Hobbit module in MERP many times (about six people on Earth will understand what this means). Third of all I played The Hobbit video game on the Sinclair Spectrum which was the slowest loading video game in the history of the world and required great patience and strength of character. Fourth of all although I own a copy of Karen Fonstad's Atlas of Middle Earth I promise I am not a nutter.
...
Fifthly (and this is my most important argument) the mission to The Lonely Mountain was a joint enterprise which brought in Dwarves from all over Middle Earth. Dwarves came from The Iron Hills, The Blue Mountains etc. etc. and it would be a mistake if you gave them all the same Englishy actor accent which we saw a lot of in The Lord of the Rings. There should be important regional variations in the Dwarvish accents in the new films. Thorin of course could speak BBC English, but you should also have regional accents and dialects to show that these are Dwarves from all over the world. Now here's my point, although I've never actually acted in anything I think you should have a Belfast accent in there and I can do one. Here's an audio file of me on Radio New Zealand ! I can also do Gorbals Glasgow and a serviceable Brummie so please Mr Jackson (and of course Mr del Torro) think of the integrity of the story and give me a call. It doesn't have to be Balin or one of the glamour roles, Oin would be fine or even poor doomed Fili (er, spoiler alert). Also I can grow my own beard too which is more than you can say for Orlando Bloom.