On the AB-InBev corporate website I clicked on a link to find out what beers they brew (they control so many brands now its nuts) and this piece of company speak came up front and centre of the page. Go ahead, read it...Ok, what does that say to you? Nothing about making good beer or a delicious product or following ancient traditions or even a word about the goddamn Rheinheitsgebot but instead: "We build fresh appeal and competitive advantage through innovative products and services." Clearly that's Martian speak for "you must be a real bog-born eejit to drink our beer." We build fresh appeal. If you ever want a punch in the face just say "we build fresh appeal" to me. If you don't believe me about how much AnheuserBusch-InBev hate their customers just click the link above and take a dander through their website. Its all about building "brand loyality" among consumers and being a "portfolio player" in a high stakes James Bond corporate f**k fantasy. Leave a comment below if you find anything that evinces any kind of love for beer - the drink that took us out of the Stone Age, built the bloody pyramids and put a man on the moon.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Why I Hate Budweiser
On the AB-InBev corporate website I clicked on a link to find out what beers they brew (they control so many brands now its nuts) and this piece of company speak came up front and centre of the page. Go ahead, read it...Ok, what does that say to you? Nothing about making good beer or a delicious product or following ancient traditions or even a word about the goddamn Rheinheitsgebot but instead: "We build fresh appeal and competitive advantage through innovative products and services." Clearly that's Martian speak for "you must be a real bog-born eejit to drink our beer." We build fresh appeal. If you ever want a punch in the face just say "we build fresh appeal" to me. If you don't believe me about how much AnheuserBusch-InBev hate their customers just click the link above and take a dander through their website. Its all about building "brand loyality" among consumers and being a "portfolio player" in a high stakes James Bond corporate f**k fantasy. Leave a comment below if you find anything that evinces any kind of love for beer - the drink that took us out of the Stone Age, built the bloody pyramids and put a man on the moon.
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68 comments:
"InBev" would seem to say it all.
Speaking of pyramid building, I just saw on BBC World the other night that new evidence suggests that the, or at least some, pyramids weren't built by slaves, but by free workers. Of course this changes nothing about their beer rations, except hopefully made it possible for them to drink a good deal more. But it's one of those things that make me wonder if by the time I die, every single thing I learned in grade school will be reversed or discredited.
It's already happened with dinosaurs a couple of times.
I always thought the fact their beer tasted like used dishwater was enough to hate them, but you've allowed me to take this to a whole new level.
It's horrible beer. The Czech stuff is good, though.
even a word about the goddamn Rheinheitsgebot
yeah, but those purity laws are a Nazi thing.
If you ever want a punch in the face just say "we build fresh appeal" to me.
Ah! I dare you
We build fresh appeal
We build fresh appeal
We build fresh appeal
...
It's already happened with dinosaurs a couple of times.
You've been to the Creationist Museum and discovered that Dinosaurs died out because they were too big to enter Noah's ark?
Adrian - why in God's name would you ever go to an AB InBev website for any reason other than to get yourself all worked up? You already knew that they produce terrible beer and are unlikely to ever produce any beer that you'll be likely to enjoy.
They can, however, produce the odd amusing commercial......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaiJ0mPbbdk
Of course, the Blue Jays went downhill the moment Interbrew bought Labatts.
We can't blame Labbatt Blue on them, though, that was already crap.
Why I hate Budweiser is that it tastes like wizzwarse
Seana
I'm pretty sure there were NO slaves at all involved in the building of the pyramids. It was all beer drinking work gangs.
As far as I'm concerned the dinosaur death is case closed. 65 million years ago a comet hits the Yucatan.
I do remember in primary school being astounded that none of the teachers could give me an explanation. Probably kids today are having similar thoughts about dark matter.
Dana
Corny fizzy tap water if you ask me. Clooney does the voice over on their ads but if he pulls off the Haiti telathon I might forgive him.
Paul
Budvar? Aye its not bad.
Marco
You get dispensation because you're a brewer.
The purity laws are good for keeping out chemicals and corn syrup I think you would agree.
SJ
I'll tell you why I was there, because I read a story on the BBC that Belgium was running out of Stella Artois, a beer I quite like on a hot day and so I went to the InBev website to see what was going on. And then yes I got very worked up.
John
As party of the InBev anti trust settlement with the US government they had to sell Labatts didnt they?
The bigger question is when the Blue Jays are going to get out of the group of death and join the NL?
Liam
Well you are blessed by the fact that you are a short drive from Fort Collins a big regional beer centre. And every year Denver hosts the Great American Beer Festival which is a must.
Look at the bright side. The word solutions appears nowhere in that excerpt.
================
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
It took a while, but the Blue Jays are now owned by Rogers Communications.
The old AAA Maple Leafs baseball team were for a time part of the Red Sox organization, so the AL isn't completely foreign here.
I recently read Jeff Rubin's book Why Your World ia About to Get a Whole Lot Smaller, and it's mostly about how things will have to be more locally produced when it becomes too expensive to ship things around the world. If it means the end to multinationals like InBev and a return to locally brewed beer, maybe peak oil won't be so bad.
Peter
Oh they do elsewhere on their creepy website.
John
I dont think its going to happen. There's enough Canadian and Venezulan oil shale to power the world economy for 75 years at current levels of export, so if the world does change it wont be my world because I'll be dead. And I have a feeling that in 75 years we'll have finally figured nuclear fusion which should provide fairly cheap transportation for centuries. I'm as doom and gloom as the next guy but I think the peak oil angst is a canard.
It was a longshot at best.
So, we have to keep buying form the microbreweries and try and ignore the multinationals.
We've had quite a few good microbreweries get bought buy the big boys, but new ones keep starting up.
John
Have you been to the Dieu du Ciel microbrewery in Montreal? I went there on a stopover once. Really incredible beer and from what I could tell good food too.
John, it looks as if Molson owns the Canadiens again. What does this mean for the future of the world?
And Pennsylvania sits atop the massive Marcellus Shale, thought the state is too stupid and incompetent ever to take advantage of it.
================
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Well, Peter, one thing we've learned about oil is that is it's there someone will get it out - maybe America will have to invade Pennsylvania.
Adrian, when I lived in Montreal I used to drink at the Cheval Blanc where they brewed their own beer. I see they're still there and their website isn't exactly up to InBev standards.
Speaking of Mars, Adrian, any thoughts on the new John Carter of Mars movie?
Peter
As long as the Mighty Ducks continue to exist I refuse to take hockey seriously.
John
Ahh, now that looks like an interesting place. It'd be nice to do a foodie/drinking weekend in Montreal.
Matt
I think Bryan Cranston is an excellent choice. It could be an excellent movie. I wish someone would think about doing League of Extraordinary Gentlemen II as a movie which is a mash up of John Carter AND War of the Worlds.
They have dropped the "Mighty" from their name, a small but definite improvement in the state of American public discourse.
================
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com
Adrian, if you make it to Montreal I promise you food and drink.
And the Mighty Ducks are now just the Ducks, a name with some hockey tradition - if only on the other coast.
Whn I was a kid and got my uncle's tickets to see games at the Forum it was always interesting to see Senator Molson sitting a couple of rows up from the bench. I wonder if the Molson brothers will do that or if they'll sit in the owner's box.
At least there won't be any Budweiser at the games.
Peter
I agree that is an improvement. Now all we have to do is get their sister franchise The Los Angeles of Anaheim to embrace simplicity.
John
I never liked the drink but I did go on a tour of the Coors plant in Golden, CO once. Seemed a nice operation and for a company town Golden is a good place. Coors went belly up when Mr Coors tried to run for the Senate in Colorado. It was a disaster and then everything started to go wrong and now they're a subsidiary of, I think, Miller.
Now all we have to do is get their sister franchise The Los Angeles of Anaheim to embrace simplicity.
Or be forced to use the name only in Spanish. Los Angeles de Los Angeles de Anaheim would compound the mendacity with a stupidity that might embarrass the team into once again telling the truth about where it plays.
================
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
The dinosaurs died out because they drank Budweiser.
You would think the Germans might be over the whole purity ideal by now.
Yeah, say what you will about celebrities, the fundraising clout they have is nothing to sneer at. I think I'll go see Up in the Air now, just because Clooney's organizing this one.
I wasn't thinking of ideas of how dinosaurs died, I was thinking about current theories that they may have been warm blooded, that some of them were very fast and that they appear to have had some sort of fuzz on their skins, or some of them did, which makes some people think there is a bird connection. Stuff like that. A lot of the ways they were portrayed in childhood were very leathery and cumbersome. In fact, there was this very popular traveling show where the dinosaurs came to your town and they were made of brightly colored hard plastic. You could get miniatures, which we all did.
I got in a big argument once with an old housemate,asking him how we know what dinosaurs look like. He thought I was an idiot. Turns out, not so much.
We used to go on that Coors tour when I was a kid when relatives came to town. Not sure what was really supposed to be in it for the kids, but I guess they had sodas or something. Busch Gardens in L.A. had a lot more to see. I'm sure the beer wasn't any better than it is now, but I was a child. They did have those cool Clydesdales.
Peter
Its so silly isnt it?
Although I should throw stones. The one NFL team I follow the NY Jets plays in a different state in someone else's stadium.
Simon
I think there was a Star Trek TNG episode with that very premise.
Adrian, I thought of mentioning the Yankees and Giants, but North Jersey has so long been identified as part if the New York metropolitan area that I refrained.
Also, history is against the Angels on this. They were founded as the Los Angeles Angels, and they played their first few seasons in Los Angeles. They dropped "Los Angeles" from their name in preparation for their move to Anaheim and became the California Angels. Disney insisted thay become the Anaheim Angels when it took control of the team. So, whether for reasons of old-fashioned honesty or corporate pressure, the team has never resorted to weird dishonesty about its name until now.
Seana
Golden though is a terrific place to take visitors. Its got that old west feel complete with boardwalk etc. and that strange landscape with its golden/yellow soil. The school of mines is there which is interesting and the Coors plant. And right behind Golden five minutes away is the Buffalo Bill burial site with an amazing viewpoint. 8000 feet up - you feel you can see all the way to the Kansas line.
Peter
A lot of bird names in MLB so how about the Orange County Coots?
Oh, I always enjoyed those trips into the mountains, even though for the adults it turns out that some of them were quite terrifying. The switchback roads up Pike's Peak, for instance. A lot of our cousins from Illinois used to come out while we were there, and Illinois is, well, flat. There are situations in which it is nice to be naive about hazards, and this, for me, was one of them.
avatar's deleted sex scene
The Mighty Ducks are REAL? What about Major League? A True story?!
Paul
No the Cleveland Indians havent won the WS in a long long time. The last time they were there they lost to the Braves which was a battle to the death between two fairly offensive Native American logos. The most offensive won.
Getting back to that original Anheuser-Busch 'content', I find myself wondering what the point of it is. Who is it written for, since there is actually no content to it? Why pay people to write it, if no one's going to read it?
I can understand paying people good money to write ad content, but there is reams and reams of this kind of stuff in corporate statements everywhere and I can't imagine that any of it ever gets read.
Since the word beer is not once mentioned in that text, I will compensate by mentioning a conversation I had yesterday with the owner of Beer's Books of Sacramento. He and his wife were apparently on a kind of busman's holiday. He seemed a nice guy who also works in some capacity for the UC California Press. He bought a few books and asked his wife if she wanted anything. "No, I've got my Kindle," she said cheerily. "I know we're not supposed to say that." I assured her that we did already know about them. "We're a funny kind of family," the man said.
Funny, but nice.
Whenever I go to a bar in Quebec, I'm always having to tell the waitron if I want a blonde beer, a red beer, or a brown one. It might be that my partner frames the world of beer that way. But everyone else around seems to do that too.
Also, in French the slang for girlfriend is 'blonde'.
But Budweiser has always been horrible and putrid, even in my under-age drinking days.
Seana
I completely agree, its a totally silly website for consumers but I think its more for the InBev sales teams etc. who obviously get off on talk like this. The kind of people who think that "there's no I in team" is a profound social commentary or something.
Sheiler
Thats a good piece of slang. I'm all for that. Of course Massachusetts is blessed by the great Sam Adams brewery which has a dozen great beers.
I just want to say, "The Jets?"
And, of course, they get Indy next week. Even sports is becoming as predictable as Hollywood.
But the thing is, no consumer would read it. Except for you. And now, unfortunately, me.
As for the sales teams, I doubt that they get pleasure out of it either. People just mimic the prevailing model, hoping to get a clue. I can't believe I've heard the word "branding" used about our bookstore, but I have. I have even heard books referred to as product, but this is more from the publisher angle. And still mercifully rare.
John
Joe Namath in the fur cost sold me on the Jets and the fact that they're not the Giants.
Seana
Have you ever read that William Gibson novel Pattern Recognition? Its about a character who is brand phobic.
No, but I've just read that part of Cloud Atlas where the corporations have taken over, so it's much on my mind.
I only read the first Gibson. Neuromancer? I liked it.
John, it’s like the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, where everyone gets excited over a couple of early-round upsets, but the final four always has Kansas, North Carolina and Duke. So predictable.
================
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Since nobody else is playing Devil's Advocate let me have a bash
InBev own 25% of the global beer market. Their workforce is one eighth of a million people. They didn't get that way by appealing to minority tastes. I don't suppose their shareholders are complaining.
Giving out about their corporatespeak is idiotic. Find a large corporation that doesn't use drivel like that and I'll be impressed.
And for god's sake lay off those feckin' celebrities. It sounds like jealousy. When you've got a couple of hundred journalists or cameramen hanging on your every utterance then you'll be in a position to harangue your fellow celebrities for their use or misuse of such privileges.
Apologies if this sounds a bit snarky. I've been enjoying a few brewskis myself (non ImBev) and it does rather ramp up one's sense of outrage
But buff, I don't think either the celebrities or the corporations are in need of your standing up for them.
And no one has answered my question of what the point of the drivel is.
'But buff, I don't think either the celebrities or the corporations are in need of your standing up for them.'
Seana, I'd be on weak ground trying to argue against that point so I won't even try.
I just think it's too easy slagging off the rich and the successful.
I try to be humble and think 'there but for the grace of Bono go I.'
The drivel is like everything else the corporation does - investor relations. That's really their business - the beer is a side effect.
It can be too depressing to look at the realities of what multinationals are doing. Have you seen the documentary The Corproation? It makes the valid point that if an individual behaved the way a corporation does he would be deemed insane.
Last night my kids were watching the movie Hancock which has the line, "This guy is the Bono of public relations," and the comeback, "I think Bono is the Bono of public relations."
InBev is soylent green.
Even if celebrity bashing is pointless, Bono may still be an exception.
I did see The Corporation, John, and was convinced that the personhood without personal responsibility of a corporation is a problem.
I could understand if all that corporate speak was actually written to deceive or distort. It's just that it's written to say nothing that baffles me. It doesn't seem in their own best interest. I guess it's a little like certain rarified forms of academic speak--people do it without even realizing they're doing it at a certain point.
Buff
The point of my rant was that good beer companies dont resort to that speak. Go to the Russian River Brewing Company's website and you'll see that the talk there is of beer and hops and taste and things like that. InBev couldnt give a shit about beer, its about tenth on their list of priorities.
Lay off the celebrity bashing? Are you kidding? Bono's got a billion and a half in the bank and if he wanted to he could build five new hospitals in Haiti tomorrow but he doesnt want to because he's a greedy hypocritical asshole. One crime fiction reviewer went after me because I dared mention that Matthew Broderick got away with vehicular manslaughter in County Fermanagh - well he did and neither you nor any brave celebrity defender is going to stop me talking about it. BTW dont use the words "fellow celebrity". I am a very very minor Irish crime writer subsisting on a few grand year. I am not a celebrity. I'm not even a celebrity blogger or a celebrity writer or even a celebrity Irish crime writer.
John
I think its bad investor relations. Its not well written and it comes across as two decades out of date corporate speak for dickheads.
Seana
I think thats the way they think. Its like that guy Tony Robbins or Dr Phil they all talk like that way to hide the essential emptiness of their actual message.
At least with Tony Robbins you learn how to walk on coals.
Adrian, I think our man Buff must have had a mischievous twinkle in his eye when he urged you to stop making fun of corporate language and lay off celebrity bashing.
I mean, George Clooney is one of the hundred most influential people in the world, man! (Or is it Bono?)
Peter
Have you seen our pal Garbhan Downey's piece on the Robinson affair over at CSNI? He make a fair point.
Yep, I read that piece. He must indeed be rubbing his hands together or else be worrying that events will overtake his imagination.
==============
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://www.detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Adrian - as a Jets fan what do you think of the rookie Maclin? We had him here at the University of Missouri for two short but exciting years. I'm now officially a Jets fan.
I wouldn't drink Budweiser's beer if it were the last beer left in my refrigerator and that's been proven by the one lonely can of Bud Light (the nastiest of them all) that currently resides in said fridge.
Jean
Fan is maybe too strong a word. I like the Jets and root for them but dont know all the players and relentlessly follow the blogs like I do for the NYY.
However doesnt Maclin play for the Eagles?
Yes, Adrian, Maclin plays for the Eagles. Brain fart there on my part. It's Brad Smith, Missouri's past QB who plays for the Jets.
Jean
It'll be nice to see him in the final.
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