My book of the year so far is Barbara Ehrenreich's Smile or Die about the positive thinking/self help industry that began in North America and has now spread its obnoxious creed across the world. As Sinclair McKay explains in his review in The Daily Telegraph:Ehrenreich encountered this phenomenon in some force when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. From the mammogram on, she found that she had entered a world of pink ribbons, Ralph Lauren pink ponies and balloons, of “fun runs’’, of books featuring personal testimonies with statements like “cancer is your ticket to your real life’’ and “cancer will lead you to the divine’’. Ehrenreich found that any expression of dissent – any suggestion that one found the illness frightening, and the treatment and insurance arrangements disgraceful – led to her being howled down online by fellow sufferers for having a “bad attitude’’ and “anger and bitterness’’.
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Ehrenreich goes on to investigate the positive thinking phenomenon in various aspects of American life. Her dissection is neat and although it isn't quite Jessica Mitford or Neil Postman it is a long overdue and useful corrective to the smarmy Dr Phil, the creepy Oprah and the dangerous James Ray et. al who tell us that "we can do anything if we only try hard enough." This, of course, is not true. In fact we're all utterly screwed, we're going to die very soon, the game is rigged against us and blaming our alleged failures on our own lack of will is a recipe for despair. I think its far better to think negatively, have the odd misanthropic laugh now and again at the follies of mankind and try to finish each day with a really good beer.
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I had one quibble with the book. Among the statistics Ehrenreich trots out is a debunking study of cancer patients: the ones who "think positively" have exactly the same recovery rates as those who don't. This may be true, but in my experience being pleasant and friendly to the nurses really does help you a lot in hospital.
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In lieu of the book which is published by the sometimes difficult to find Granta you can read the rest of the review by Sinclair McKay here in The Daily Telegraph.
47 comments:
I'm no fan of the self-help industry as a rule. It seems most of these gurus are, to borrow one of your clever phrases, long on rhetorical flourishes and very short on science and psychology.
On the other hand, realistic positive thinking is psychologically and physiologically beneficial. I've read somewhere that more optimistic people generally have better immune systems (no, it's not going to cure cancer of course) and also generally have more self-esteem, which is absolutely vital to long-term happiness and success.
Me, I'm one of those “hope for the best, plan for the worst” types. Positive thinking doesn't exactly come naturally to me, and I also think it's important to maintain a balance of pessimism and optimism, so I’m definitely down with having the old misanthropic laugh from time to time. And I think everybody knows by now I’m all for having a good beer at the end of the day.
I think your quibble is mixing up two things. You don't have to think positively to be pleasant to people.
My sister having just gone through a round with breast cancer in recent years, I have to say that this wasn't exactly her experience. She was plenty negative at times, did not see anything life-enhancing about having to undergo chemo, etc. I don't think she encountered a huge degree of resistance to her state of mind, which had it's ups and downs. But she was able to see the funny side of it at times, which is a form of positive thinking, I guess.
That said, my mother and both my sisters are much more open to all the New Age stuff than I am. The whole idea that your belief about reality actually affects reality is foreign to me, apart from the idea that sometimes it affects the way you look at things, behave and in turn how others respond to you.
However my dad's side of the family might almost be said to believe in the power of negative thinking, and that has its looniness as well.
They did like their beer, though.
This ties in nicely with the last post here and the line, "...yeah, life is going to get you in the end but the way to cheat Death is to make a gag about his scythe and viciously mock his choice of cloak."
What we need is less bland cheerfulness and more mocking.
There's a comedian who does oa one man show called, "Fuck You, Cancer," which seems like a good, positive attitude to me.
He's got a website, of course.
Having gone through ovarian cancer with my late wife, I can assure all that positive thinking and perseverance have no effect whatsoever on that disease.
That said, in the ensuing despair I suffered after her death, I did have to drag myself out of the black pit by reminding myself there was much to be grateful for -- she was the love of my life, and we had a great marriage. Nobody promised us eternity. She deserved a better shake but she gained nothing by my despondency. I gave myself a goal to achieve each day and tried to remember there were people I still loved who needed my concern. She would have wanted that, so I wasn't turning my back on her memory or any of that sorry nonsense.
In this regard, yes, positive thinking is necessary and beneficial. It's a balance against the natural instinct to pessimism that paying attention creates. The world is ugly and the people are sad (Wallace Stevens), and a bright smile does squat to change that. But a quiet sense of gratitude, a commitment to making somebody else's day a little brighter with your own, can sometimes be just enough to ward off the gooey blackness at the bottom of the soul for one more day.
But just staying chipper when what you're really doing is living in a sealed container of denial is the life's work of cretins, users, snake oil shills and fascists.
Smiling faces
Show no traces
Of the evil that lurks within
--The Temptations
Corbett
I think that there's a difference between optimistic thinking and denial.
For example, during my wife's bout with cancer, we never kidded ourselves that the chemo treatments were going to cure her. But there's still a place to realistically hope that they'll ease the pain, or help you live a bit longer, or whatever your goal is.
The problem with a deep-seated pessimism, I think, is that you end up being tempted to chuck in the towel. My wife, who was more naturally pessimistic than I, was ready a few times to switch chemo courses before one had been given a chance to work, because she was sure that it wasn't working (one time, she was sure that a course was failing, and three days later the tests showed that the tumor had shrunk 40%)
Of course, I know that a crazy denial is stupid as well -- we planned for her death, and the kids knew for a long time that it was coming -- but I haven't meet many people who lived in that fantasy world that everything will get better if you just believe in it.
I agree with Seana that you can be pleasant and also pessimistic -- the staff (AFAICT) tended to really like my wife a lot because she was always nice to everyone, even though she was a bit of a pessimist.
Brian
Yes I take your point, but I'm wondering if there's a difference between being naturally optimistic and forcing yourself to be optimsitic against all your instincts. I dont think the latter is healthy at all.
Seana
Ahh, but thats my point. I'm a pretty morose pessimistic guy but I fake it and act more cheerful when I'm in the hospital because I know that I'll get a better response out of people. And it does work. I think it would be a disastrous move to go into hospital all grumpy and down and pissed off.
John
Yeah I didnt think about that.
I do like the English stiff upper lip though. Remaining cool and superior in the face of imminent death or disaster is such a funny pose that it tickles me.
David
We've talked about this before. I cant imagine the hell you both must have gone through. And I think if you'd said something like "you know whatever gets you through the night" I would have deferred to your experience, but you're not saying that are you? I think the snake oil salesmen etc. just leave one feeling bitter, manipulated and angry.
Gav
Dont you think that could be a flaw in her methodology and sort of back up what I was saying at the end?
What if you're so pessimistic that you refuse chemo in the first place? Presumably those people who thought negatively still continued with the treatment to the end. The really really pessimistic ones got the doctor's verdict and went out and were never heard from again, because they either refused treatment or jumped off a bridge or something.
Philip Larkin, the poet, didnt allow the doctors to tell him how bad his cancer was and denied in a state of unknowing.
David
Its interesting that you bring up Wallace Stevens.
I've always liked the shaft of light in this stanza:
Timeless mother,
How is it that your aspic nipples
For once vent honey?
Reading this thread I was reminded of a film I caught at a documentary film festival last year about a young woman from Vancouver with cystic fibrosis, the CBC has now put it online.
http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/passionateeyeshowcase/2009/65redroses/
This girl has quite a remarkable outlook on things, and I don't think it's at all manufactured or has anything to do with the industries described in the book. It's the result of her relationship with her friends and family and an inner wisdom. The documentary also features others her age with the disease, and they certainly don't all face things the same way.
I agree with David's sentiments. And I always remember a line I read from a William Caunitz novel - "Kid, you might as well be happy, because no one cares if you're not."
I do think we're mixing up a few things here. Inner resources for dealing with serious illness and death have always spanned the spectrum and it is a matter of temperament and even wisdom and maturity. What I believe Ehrenreich and you, Adrian, are talking about is a New Age philosophy, very prevalent in California but as you say spreading ,that if you get sick or even die, it is something of your own making. It's fine to explore that philosophy for yourself, but it's tyrannical to impose it on other people. When someone who is dealing with life or death issues is presented with this philosophy as something they should adopt, I think it shows at the least an appalling lack of compassion.
I thought of an example of this mentality about my sister's treatment. One of her friends had the idea of everyone wearing these bracelets that had some sort of healing mantra on it for her. It was a nice idea, but to my mind more of a gesture of support than a magical talisman. I wore mine for awhile, but being me, I lost it along the way somewhere and didn't really notice it being gone.
At some point a guy came into the bookstore. He looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't place him. He came up to the register and bought something and then asked are you a Graham? The pieces came together and I realized that it was my sister's old boyfriend. We caught up and he said, you know, I thought it was you, but you weren't wearing your bracelet. He didn't act judgemental exactly, though he of course was wearing his, but he was clearly puzzled that I would deny my siser the efficacy of wearing the healing bracelet on her behalf.
It kind of stuns me that anyone would think that my feelings for my sister could be tested by whether I was wearing a rubber band on my wrist, but that's the state of things today.
I will add that if you can't be pleasant in the hospital, the next best thing is to scream your lungs out. The squeaky wheel thing works too, especially if you don't have a lot of natural charm. At least, that's my observation.
A brief story. At 22 I was losing my hair. By 32 I was more or less bald. Enter Norman Vincent Peale. Now, after 20 years of positive thinking, well I'm still bald, but man, I can feel that regrowth coming. And when it does, then I'll start on the immortality.
As my old mentor Mary Holmes used to say about magic, the fallback position is that if you fail, it's because you didn't do it right. So try, try again, Ernest. Try, try again. You might want to consider renaming yourself Samson. Though that could bring trouble in the end.
I'm an optimistic kind of guy and generally have a positive attitude. That said I don't walk through life kidding myself that that a big vacant smile on my face, radiating love and positive vibes is really going to do me much good.
I've been to those motivational meetings you hear about. It's a bunch of BS at best and a big waste of money for sure. I must admit I get a kick out of listening to people during the breaks. I can hardly believe any of them take it seriously.
I believe that positive thinking simply allows one to over come the pitfalls of life without dwelling on them. As in it's over and done with so let's move on.
I can guarantee that the nurses in the hospital will take better care of you if you are pleasant, try to smile and don't bitch for the sake of bitching. Been there done that. Can't say any of them cried when I got out though.
Matt
When you see something like that it makes you wonder at those solipsistic fascist nutcases who fly planes into IRS offices.
I'm pretty sure I could not be like that however.
Ernest
You're a funny guy. I'll tell my little brother who, although a couple of years younger than me is, ho, ho, definitely balding quicker.
John H
Thats interesting. So there really people who believe that if you can will yourself strongly enough you could fly or marry Christina Hendricks or something. I wonder how much of it is self encouragement and how much people looking for shortcuts.
Seana
Thats nutty. Its like that Seinfeld episode where Kramer wants to do the AIDS walk but not wear the ribbon and then they beat him up.
I really dont want to live in a universe where "magic" can work. The prospect would be utterly terrifying.
As an aside here. A news story that caught my eye unrelated to this thread:
Serial wife beater and good pal of Raul Castro, Sean Penn has been charged with assault.
Kramer c'est moi. Except that he is actually a good deal more graceful. And has curlier hair.
We don't get to choose the universe we live in, though, no matter how much we click our ruby slippers. And that's exactly the point.
John/Seana
re the nurses thing
I think it would depend if its the ER or not too.
I was there on Memorial Day Weekend with a bursting appendix and all the screaming in the world didnt help.
You know, Sean Penn's situation is actually somewhat apropos from my perspective, as this same sister I mentioned once stood up to Mr. Penn when she was an usher and was supposed to tell everyone not to bring food back into the theatre or something. He thought he was supposed to be treated differently but she stuck to her guns. I think he was about ready to trounce her when some higher up came along and intervened on her behalf.
Once a bully, always a bully, I guess.
Yes, emergency is different. They must be pretty inured to screaming there, I think.
Christina Hendricks is a nice delusion for the guys but frankly I figure it's people looking for a shortcut. I imagine they come to earth in a few days then go back for more uplifting positive reinforcement. Unfortunately hard work always turns out better in the long run than a positive attitude.
Adrian,
I agree that the pessimism can be self-fulfilling. On the other hand, she used to say that she was just being realistic (and many times she was right). So it's very hard to know what the right attitude is.
Maybe since I'm on the East coast I've never seen the kind of wackiness where people literally think they can think themselves into a cure -- what I've seen was mostly just varying degrees of optimism/pessimism.
"I'm wondering if there's a difference between being naturally optimistic and forcing yourself to be optimsitic against all your instincts. I dont think the latter is healthy at all."
No, I'm totally with you here. It's important to be able to both acknowledge and express what you're feeling.
That being said, I often wonder how much of feeling is habit, though. We can retrain our brains to think in different ways. So is it possible that an "instinctual" predisposition to pessimism or optimism was more a matter of an individual training themselves to be that way in the first place?
Seana
A drunken bully who beats up his wives, who nevertheless has someone convinced Hollywood that he's a great guy.
John H
Well I dont mind people getting a confidence boost once in a while at a seminar or whatever, its the fact that they have to pay hundreds of dollars to hear Tony Robbins tell them this nonsense in person that seems sad to me.
Gav
Yeah I've spent some time in New Hampshire and Maine and I cant see too many of those folks falling for the whackier stuff.
Brian
Thats one of the things I wonder about. Can you retrain your mind?
Emile Coue and all his followers say you can, but I'm not sure.
Of course I suppose it goes without saying that you would be pessimistic about this. But that does illustrate the problem.
The front page of the NYT was sadly appropriate today. It had the news about both the Austin plane
crasher, who 'told few besides his wife of a simmering anger for which, he wrote, “there isn’t enough therapy in the world.” ', and the guy who's supposed to be responsible for the 2001 anthrax attacks, who wrote “I can hurt, kill, and terrorize.” He added: “Go down low, low, low as you can go, then dig forever, and you’ll find me, my psyche.”
These are not the kinds of minds that are amenable to Emile Coup or Dr. Phil, I'm thinking.
I'm all for the power of positive thinking, but the author of the book has it right. My wife has had a run of illnesses and there's been a backlash from certain members of her own family, who seem to think she's bringing it on herself. Like you can somehow cause damage to the intestines and induce coeliac disease, as well as bring on degeneration of the nervous system, by not 'bucking up'. I suspect it's partly denial and partly a desire to be helpful in a situation where we're all helpless, but still.
I notice that all these idiot cures seemto be pitched toward people who can afford to buy the books (and their sequels) and attend seminars.
My v-word: preherbo
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Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://www.detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Good thing she's got you then, Mike.
Mike
Its that kind of thinking and attitude that drives me mental.
Thats another reason I like France - great health care and sympathetic staff and a population that loves to talk about their insides without compunction.
Peter
Yeah they never ever give it away free do they? I mean they would if it was a public service or they really wanted to help people.
Seana
I'm kind of surprised that they ever caught that Anthrax guy. I thought that would never happen.
Yep, they'd take it into inner cities and crumbling factory towns and areas of rural poverty and psychiatric and addiction wards in public hospitals and they'd get grants from the Melinda and Bill Gates Foundation.
My v-word: nation
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Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://www.detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com
The article seems to say that they've closed the books because after exhaustive research, this is what they think probably happened. It's not like he is around anymore to be brought to trial, or to make his own case. I'd say they're probably right, but it doesn't help that they seem to have been almost equally convinced that they were right about someone completely different a few years ago.
Positive thinking.............mind over matter and all that stuff. Nice idea I guess but it has just gotten personal. Not for me but for my wife and it's rather sad. My sister-in-law has spent her life seeking out "doctors" that believe in new age medicine. Their names are Dr.
Joe, Dr. Mary, Dr. Claudia and so on. I'm thinking $125 online degrees or flat out fraud. We have always teased her about the charlatans she uses for medical treatment to the point she quit talking about new age stuff with us. Well...the small problems have turned into bigger ones so in her mid 50s she is going to have a liver "cleansing". Needless to say we are rather worried about her
Good luck to her, John. We all make mistakes in who we place our trust in, but we have to hope our mistakes aren't irrevocable.
John, Seana
Yeah I dont know what you're supposed to do. You know that they're falling under the influence of snake oil salesmen but if you say that it might cause a family rift...
Interesting discussion.
A relative of mine who has had cancer twice (and surgery, radiation, chemo twice) loved what Barbara Ehrenreich had to say, her entire thesis--and hates the "smile" mentality about dealing with serious diseases.
Yes--there are people who believe if one thinks something hard enough, it will happen and good things will come to you. This is the "secret" of the best-selling book, "The Secret," and many others like it.
Saw that author and others on Oprah's show and Oprah had to bring a woman with breast cancer on that show later in the week, to tell her that "The Secret," does not work for cancer, that one has to get medical treatment.
And ABC did a segment that week with oncologists who said that there was no scientific basis for that way of thinking.
Years ago, when two people close to me had terminal cancer, the Bernie Siegal craze was going on, which was a forerunner of the "good people don't get sick," or if one does, it's one's own fault.
A friend of mine believed that; I didn't talk to her for a year as both beautiful people passed away and they were positive, upbeat people who had fought to survive.
It's very damaging to believe this stuff and spread it to people who are ill or who are relatives or friends of seriously ill people. It hurts people so much to propagate this insanity and makes them feel sickness is their fault.
I agree with Seana and others here.
Kathy
Couldnt agree more. Holding someone responsible for getting sick is a hangover from a medieval mindset.
It's the same mentality as blaming the people of Haiti for their catastrophic earthquake where 230,000 died, one million were left homeless.
And it is medieval, in a nonscientific sense, making one think of the days before the germ theory of illness was known, before sanitation and sterilization were known to prevent infection--when all blame was put on the sick person and their families, etc.
My relative also wore a bracelet like Lance Armstrong's and I decided, with a friend's help that I couldn't wear one, that it would have sneaked up on me and gotten me upset in public at various venues.
But she knew I would have given her bone marrow or anything if I could have. That's what matters, not the rest of it.
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