Why is Northern Ireland not mentioned in your party manifesto? There's no Northern Ireland section in the booklet and Northern Ireland doesn't even get a mention in the index. Northern Rock is in there but not Northern Ireland. You name check the Northern Ireland Assembly when you talk about funding for the regional parliaments but that's all you do and then you forgot to put the Northern Ireland Assembly mention in the index as well. Don't give me that crap that "well we don't have any candidates in Northern Ireland," aye, that's right, you don't, but pages and pages we get about the European Union, Brussels, Iraq, Israel, Egypt etc. but no mention at all that you're running for Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and that if you win the election you'll have 1.7 million Irish people living in your Lib Dem utopia. Palestine, a country which doesn't even exist yet gets mentioned three times, but Norn Irn: nonce....
Labour have a good Northern Ireland section and the Tories even remember to put Northern Ireland in the map inside their manifesto, but the Lib Dem message to Ulster is clear: won't you miserable Paddies just piss off and be quiet so we can maybe turn Ireland into one big giant windfarm or something. Which reminds me, the manifesto says that shipyards in Scotland and the North of England will be kept busy with orders for wind turbines. No mention of course is made of Harland and Wolff in Belfast which has already built such machines.
...
By the way the one mention of the US in the manifesto is a pejorative one, talking about how England lost its soul by listening to the siren voices across the Atlantic, but at least you guys don't have to live under the regime of the British Prime Minister. In Northern Ireland we do and if it's Nick Clegg I think it's clear what he thinks of the place. And before anyone asks the picture is of that menace to rural Ulster, the notorious cleg, haematopota pluvialis, a rather stupid and irritating horse fly, which if you're not careful, will, in the parlance of our times, fly in your bake the sleekit wee shite, giving you an eggy fit and wheekin ya arse over tit, off yer bike entire and down into the sheugh like a blocked Saturday night spide after one Jack and Coke, the bollocks.
22 comments:
If its not trendy Nick wont talk about it...
Anon
If I were running for Prime Minister (and I'm not ruling anything out) I'd at least mention every part of the UK in my manifesto.
On the plus side, I understand a lot more of that final tirade than I would have a year or so ago.But though the rest I understand by context, I still don't really know what an eggy fit is, nor what wheekin or spide are precisely.
I also don't know who is favored to win this race.
Seana
Consider yourself lucky you dont know any spides.
For structural reasons Clegg wont be PM anytime soon, although he seems the most popular of the party leaders. He had an article it today's Guardian where he made a point of only talking about Britain. Not GB and NI. I'm not sure that he's actually been informed that the British PM has responsibility for Northern Ireland. Might come as a bit of a shock if they do win the election. Oh my God we're stuck with that lot - I thought Gladstone took care of that problem ages ago. Nope, sorry mate, you're stuck with us for a while yet.
How do I know that I don't know any spides if I don't know what they are? Never mind--I'll look it up myself.
Although I know nothing about trans-Atlantic politics, it does seem odd that anyone could forget to mention Northern Ireland. So perhaps its deliberate.
Seana
Its either a deliberate snub or rank ignorance, either way it doesnt inspire much confidence.
In NI the elctioneering is all about what a great impact each local party is going to have....that would be a nice change. Given how close the UK election is likely to be, surely the only question they need to answer is: will you vote with Gordon, Dave or Nick? None of them will vote for Nick anyway, so he feels no need to waste ink on them
Speccy
Yeah but what is he going to do to or for Northern Ireland? In the manifesto the Lib Dems tell us about their schemes for Gaza, Brussels, you name it, but they completely forgot about the 1.7 million of us living in N. Ireland. To me it shows incredible arrogance that we dont even merit a mention in the index.
Clegg is a total muppet! He probably couldnt find Northern Ireland on a map.He has admitted to being baffled by his own immigration policies, which is very reasuring indeed. How can anyone vote for such a wet blanket.
Anon
I also like the idea of heavily criticising America in the manifesto and then scrapping Trident. That'll be awesome when we're crawling under the French nuclear umbrella for protection. I mean, France, when have they ever caused us any trouble?
British election time is the main season when I hear the newspeople talking a lot about schemes to do this or that. It always amuses me, because in America the word now has almost only its nefarious meaning. If you see scheme in a headline, you know someone's tried to do something dastardly. So it's fun to have some newscaster calmly talk about the prime minister's schemes for this or that. Can't help hear it with my American ears.
I totally agree with what you said about Trident and critising America. Article in the Telegraph sums him up pretty good.
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/nilegardiner/100035841/nick-cleggs-sneering-rant-against-britain-is-a-disgrace/
Slate is calling him the British Obama.
I kind of doubt it. Whatever one thinks of Obama, he would not have forgotten Northern Ireland.
Well they do have one thing in common - both of them were born as British subjects.
I kid! C
I thought by now everybody knew of the Secret Exchange Plan. The Uk will give NI to the US and take New Jersey instead.
Marco, that exchange might almost work.
Adrian,now if only all the other birthers would come out and admit that they were just having a laugh.
I found it mildly amusing that the Dr. Who scriptwriters on the episode I just watched managed to remember to include Northern Ireland when they uprooted the country and left the planet. Although it was a bit blurry on what exactly happened to Scotland.
So I am not the only person in the world to think of a horse-fly when Nick Clegg is mentioned! Clegs have a nasty bite but no sting, so their impact is fleeting. Lets hope so Adrian.
Good to have you bamboozling the world with your 'Ulsterisms'. Do you remember we also called wood-lice 'slaters' and beetles 'clocks'?
Phil
NOt sure which of the two Nicks is the most dangerous Clegg or Griffin.
Yup I still use slaters and clocks.
Yea, both Nicks are equally devilish. Only problem is they're both a bit young yet before either can be known as 'Old Nick'. Time will tell.
I tried finding out the policy from a friend of mine who is campaigning for the Dims.
Apparently, whatever the Alliance Party says, then the Lib Dems agree with.
I thought it interesting that every single Lib Dem I asked about this referred to it as Ulster.
Rob
I emailed Nick Clegg and the Lib Dem HQ about this. I'm still waiting to hear back. Its good that they have a plan for dealing with the problem of night buses in there, but 1.7 million people in N. Ireland are left in the dark as to what happens to them.
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