Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Breaking News: CNN Now Employs Sociopaths

Animal cruelty is the first step up the phylogenetic scale for all budding sociopaths and I can only assume that CNN has given employment to this young reporter so that she will not grow up to become a serial killer. CNN have probably saved dozens of lives because of this move and they should be commended. I'm assuming that she is very young indeed because no adult journalist would write so complacently about so dreadful a place as the Harbin Siberian Tiger Park. This is how Miss Ouyang begins her article:

Housed on nearly 400 acres of land, the Harbin Siberian Tiger Park in north-east China is one of the largest tiger refuges in the world. And it offers visitors a highly manufactured but extremely satisfying experience of what happens when large cats feed on lesser animals. Visitors are loaded into rickety busses [sic] and taken on a tour through various sections of the park outfitted with electronic chain link fences "Jurassic Park" style. Throughout the trip, the busses [sic] will stop to let you get a good view of the park’s inhabitants. Lax safety standards ensure that a thin layer of mesh and metal is all that divides you from tigers whose heads average the size of your bus’s tire. For those not satisfied with merely being a spectator, visitors have the unique opportunity to sentence hapless farm creatures -- starting at RMB 50 for a chicken and going up to RMB 1,500 for a cow -- to becoming tiger feed. It may seem cruel to the farm animals that are unceremoniously dumped out of a food truck into the middle of 10 insatiable Siberian tigers but it certainly makes the tigers very happy and adds quite a bit of excitement to the tour.

The Chinese of course are experts at making tigers, lions and their own populace happy. In a chatty tone Miss Ouyang goes on to explain how - from a platform - you can throw live chickens to the tigers but you must, she adds, be careful not to throw them too hard lest you stun the animals or even kill them thus missing the thrill which comes from watching them being torn apart alive. She also mocks those foolish souls who may be members of PETA or even vegans and who might (perish the thought) get offended by such fun and games; but everyday common sense folks like her and you and me will love visiting the park and will surely get a big kick from seeing see living cows, goats and sheep getting thrown to caged tigers, solely for our prurient amusement.

I am looking forward to Miss Ouyang's next giddy article on the excellent bear baiting opportunities which can still be enjoyed in that haven for old time animal fun - the People's Republic of China.