I've been living in Melbourne for two years and it's a very pleasant, easy going city on the whole. There have been a few climatic extremes which have surprised me: on the catastrophic Black Saturday in February 2009 the temperature reached 46.5 celsius (116.5 Farenheit) and the city was covered in a haze of smoke; and this winter it's apparently been wetter than it's been in decades and much of rural Victoria has been subjected to flooding (although I've quite enjoyed all the rain). Last year we had a small earthquake and everyone in my family got the swine flu (including my first born) and now Melbourne is about to get inundated with a plague of locusts. The Melbourne Age says it's going to be the biggest such plague in nearly a century which some people may find alarming, but not me. I'm looking forward to it. It will add a certain frisson to Pesach next year and it's bound to be good material for at least a short story. A plague of locusts has been a rich source of nightmares since Sunday School but as long as you're not a subsistence farmer apparently its not that bad. My wife spent several years of her childhood in Niger, west Africa and vividly recalls the locust invasions and the excitement they generated. Her story reminded me of an amazing scene in Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart where the locusts come and instead of being horrified the Nigerian peasants are grateful because of all that free protein hopping right into their laps....
Why the picture of Homer Simpson? Come on, think about it...
64 comments:
We have to hope these aren't Biblical plagues because that means you still have lice, flies and boils ahead of you.
The frogs might be fun, though.
Yeah, Homer Simpson? I have no clue.
I guess protein is protein, but I think I'll stick with chicken.
I think you might need to explain the Homer Simpson thing..
Seana
Oh I forgot we've had the lice too.
Glenna
I think tens of thousands of chickens flying into your village might be just as scary.
Isn't Homer Simpson the character's name in the novel / movie, "The Day of the Locust", who was played by Donald Southerland?
Sean
A ha!
In the previous post someone complained that I was no longer talking about Bono's editorials for the New York times. Its true. Bono does weary me and I have ceased writing about him.
However, today's Guardian says what I feel and says it much better than I can. Here's the first few paragraphs:
Forgive the reheating of old chestnuts, but it seems appropriate to begin with a classic urban myth starring Bono, recently described with due reverence by Viz as "the little twat with a big heart". The apocryphal story finds our hero on stage between songs, intriguing his audience by repeatedly clapping his hands together. "Every time I clap my hands," he finally intones, "a child in Africa dies."
At which point someone in the crowd shouts: "Then stop fucking clapping!"
As I say, it's an old favourite, but it was called to mind this week by news that Bono's ONE campaign had blitzed the New York media with fancy gift boxes. These contained several items, from designer water bottles to $15 bags of Starbucks coffee, as well as information explaining that poverty-stricken African children live on less than $1.25 a day – "about the cost of the cookie in this box".
To which the only reasonable rejoinder would seem to be: "Then stop spending your money on biscuits for journalists."
But let's not be facetious. Naturally, naturally, the business of activism is more complicated than that, and indeed, ONE has since been forced to remind confused civilians that it is an advocacy organisation and not a grant-making organisation. This became necessary after the New York Post revealed that in 2008, the most recent year for which tax records are available, ONE took $14,993,873 in donations from philanthropists, of which a thrifty $184,732 was distributed to charity. More than $8m was spent on executive and employee salaries.
Anyhoo. What Bono's goody bags were trying to draw attention to was his drive to get President Obama to give $6bn to a fund to fight disease in Africa, to coincide with this week's Millennium Development Goals summit taking place in New York.
And yet, if only Bono had spent a little less time thinking about goody bags, and a little bit more on his weekend column in the New York Times, he might not have muddled cause and effect as far as the MDGs were concerned. "The gains made by countries like Ghana," ran a typical statement, "show the progress the Millennium Goals have helped create." Mmm. As Rupa Subramanya Dehejia, who covers the political economy of India for the Wall Street Journal, wrote this week: Bono "would have you believe that Ghana's progress is because of the [Millennium Development] Goals! He further suggests that poor performance in the Congo is due to the financial crises and food shortages. Gasp! Where is my oxygen mask? Have you not heard that Ghana is growing rapidly because of smart economic policies and that Congo is the centre of a war zone which barely has an economy?"
Alas, Rupa, I'm afraid he might not have heard that. Then again, even if he has, Bono is adept at holding two contradictory positions in his own mind. Do consider his endless lobbying of the Irish government to earmark more cash for said MDGs, despite having shifted part of U2's tax affairs to the Netherlands to avoid paying even the ludicrously reduced rates Ireland affords to artists. Has he not heard that the money in the Irish exchequer's coffers comes from taxes, paid by the sublebrity likes of nurses and teachers and bricklayers and so on? Perhaps his clapping drowns it out...
Look, I'm not saying Bono is the most evil man in the world.
Oh all right I am saying that.
Thanks, Sean.
Adrian, you or at least the Guardian is beginning to convince me.
Definitely as scary, but with all those chickens just waiting to be caught, you could actually do everything Bono just talks about doing.
we had a plague of locusts in the '70s in the Chicago area. It was kind of cool even though I'd heard about people in Africa eating them which disgusted me. But that was a time when what I ate was limited to 8 things.
Do you recall a while back that Jesse Helms (maybe?) threatened Bono with dirt on Bono's having a mistress (Spanish?) because Bono was trying to get the US to forgive certain debts and Jesse took this to be an attack, until Bono was able to persuade him that whatever the US could do to help Bono's cause would be cool?
I'm trying to recall where I'd read it.
Probably in the New Yorker.
I do like the idea of a swarm of locust descending on the Melbourne Cup.
On the subject of Bono and Viz, they recently had a strip with him literally disappearing up his own arse.
I don;t know anything about his alleged extramarital affairs. I'm sure they are just scurrilous rumours, especially the one about him and the singer in a famous band.
On an entirely unrelated note, Andrea Corr is a good looking lady.
"Make Bono history - now" as those t-shirts said, paraphrasing the little man's own catchcry about poverty. Julie Burchill, who I don't usually enjoy, wrote a nice column recently about super-hypocrites and, of course, named Bono as her top "hypercrite". As for our excellent widlife, the locusts are a treat but I love our occasional plagues of pink and grey galahs, possibly the world's most voracious and stupid parrot. Last time they virtually ate a couple of small farming towns. Scores of them hung scorched from the electrical wires after being electrocuted when stripping off the protective rubber. It was like a comedy version of Hitchcock's The Birds.
Adrian, you giveth and you taketh away. I love your books, but this Bono thing is bumming me out. I didn't know he was such a cheesebag. How can I ever enjoy hearing "One" again? Do me a favor, if Radiohead turn out to be whale killing, pro war, capitalist pigs don't post it here!
dpougher: Julie Burchill writing about hypocrites?
That is so meta my brain has just melted a little.
dpougher: Julie Burchill writing about hypocrites?
That is so meta my brain has just melted a little.
Dennis, don't worry, Johnny Cash did it better: http://www.amazon.co.uk/One/dp/B003ZSTV5O/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1285290617&sr=1-2
Rob,
Yes, she said that absolutely she wasn't a hypocrite so I can only assume her sense of irony is unmatched worldwide. And as they say, takes one to know one.
I couldn't care less if Bono has affairs or not, but I do care that his organization is raising millions of dollars and using so much of it for "administrative costs," not helping people.
I mean, gosh, lots of very well-meaning advocacy groups do a lot more on a lot less money. Maybe lobbyists are paid millions.
But with all the funds Bono makes (and others, too), they should be donating their time and contributing funds themselves.
I wouldn't say he's evil, hasn't dropped any bombs or drones lately, but this is pretty unscrupulous and uncharitable of him.
And, by the way, locusts? How come? Is this global warming's fault?
Seana
So the September 20 issue of The New Yorker showed up today (what happened to the others I have no idea) and I flip open the cover and who should see on page 3? A big picture of Bono in an ad for Louis Vitton. I knew I shouldnt have risen to the bait. The cosmic forces enjoy mocking you like this.
Glenna
Chicken pot pie. Sounds good to me.
Sheiler
I remember something about Bono and Jesse Helms too but I'm not going to look into it.
Rob
If that's true about Andrea Corr (and I'm not saying it is Mr Libel Lawyer) then he has definitely gone up in my estimation.
Dennis
I shant. But I will tell you that they've posted a half dozen new songs on YouTube. Just search basement live Radiohead.
David
I do like Julie Burchill. She's saucy. Kind of like Nigella Lawson's evil twin or something. If she stays in Brighton and keeps writing, in about a decade or so she'll be a national treasure.
Rob
Its like the space time continuum ripped or something.
Andrew
he did indeed. the JC version is the definitive one.
Kathy
Well with the estimated 1.5 billion dollars he has in his tax free bank account he could if he so chose buy and distribute a mosquito net for every child in Africa. He could if he chose completely eradicate childhood malaria. He chooses not to. He would rather talk about the problem on Larry King etc. I find this interesting.
Well, I've been watching the opera Samson and Delilah on television tonight, so I know something you may have forgotten. The Philistines don't win. It just looks like they will for a really long time.
Here's that complete Radiohead session:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8byXSML4bY
Not as good as when I saw them at Red Rocks. Now THAT was a show.
Seana
My Bible knowledge is shaky: dont the Philistines only lose because EVERYBODY dies?
Details, details.
I used to work with Nigella Lawson and she is a vision of voluptuous beauty. I have seen Julie Burchill and she reminds me of the Wilson basketball in Cast Away. But yes, although Burchill is often infuriating, she can make me snigger.
I don't know about that basketball comment, but I do know that being the evil twin is usually a lot more fun.
David
I'm afraid that this house is divided in its opinion of Nigella on very predictable lines.
Seana
Wow the September 20 New Yorker sucks. That Brooklyn article...
They should maybe read the Onion before attempting to publish another piece like that.
I agree about Bono. With that $1.5 billion, he could donate his time and contribute to fighting malaria in Africa. Or HIV and AIDS. Millions of children are orphaned due to that.
Oh, well, I never had Bono up high in my esteem. Now, it's gone altogether.
How much money does someone need anyway? A few hundred million should be enough,shouldn't it?
Then donate, donate, donate!
Adrian, this blog is an absolute gas at any given time.
Three cheers for lively conversation, ray ray ray.
Saw lots of grasshoppers in the Mallee when I was a child, jumping up on the windscreen of the truck as we drove through the grass. I think they were leftovers from the real thing though.
The Mallee?
Adrian, are you sure you didn't already read tht songbirds article, because I thought it was before September.
I'm sure Brooklyn is fine in real life, but everything I've read about it lately makes me think it's the last place I'd want to live. Of course, maybe that's the point.
Kathy
100 million should be enough to cover you and your grandchildren for many generations.
100 million is what U2 made on their last tour alone.
Seana
Yup, thats the only Sept issue that his shown up. They have robbed me of at least two issues. This whole experiment is going very well so far.
Gen
Never been up there. Supposed to be interesting though.
Blood. Frogs. Boils. Lice. Flies. Hail. Dead animals. Darkness. Slaying of the firstborn. You learn a lot if you listen at seders.
I repeat: There is no substantive difference between the New York Times and Entertainment Tonight.
You have to understand that it doesn't matter what he does with his money. Raising consciousness it what matters. You need to remember that this is an age when Al Gore and Barack Obama have won Nobel Prizes for public relations, when George Clooney wants to be, and is, taken seriously.
Peter
Well, I'm not quite at the Daianu stage yet.
Seana
Your buddy is quite a charmer:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/sep/25/jonathan-franzen-interview
I guess I sound a bit like the Evil Son there, don't I?
Peter
I always enjoy being the son so dense he cannot even formulate a question.
I think I've seen the Evil Son referred to as the Contrary Son. Now, that's the kind of son I'd like to be.
That's a nice interview and I would say typical of him. He seems an odd person to be in the midst of so much controversy all the time, as he may be an introvert, but he's not a jerk.
I guess I can now reveal that I was at the launch party for the book. I was worried as we started to see the scale of the publicity that it would be full of bigwigs. Didn't help that when we got to the door, a town car was pulling up. But it turned out that the party was just their family and friends from Santa Cruz, and it was a really nice group of people. The town car was Alice Sebold's, but she is a friend of theirs as well.
Seana
Yeah seems like a nice, down to Earth fellow which he doesnt have to be. When I worked at Barnes and Noble I met a lot famous writers who, decidely, werent.
No, they're not all pleasant, but a surprising number of them are, given that coming for signings, etc. must be nervewracking for almost everyone.
Think the Yankees have a chance against the Philles in the Series?
Peter
The NYY are NOT winning the AL East.
I think they're going to have a trouble against the Twins and a great deal of trouble if they get to the ALCS against TB. About the only thing they have going for them is the sudden brilliance of Kerry Wood.
I just watched St Kilda tie Collingwood in the AFL Grand Final. 68:68. First tie since 1977.
We'll all do it again next Saturday.
The Sea Baths is going to be a nightmare tomorrow.
Yes, $100 million should be a lot more than enough for anyone and their offspring for generations.
A lot of people could get antiretroviral medications to treat HIV and prevent AIDS; it would save many lives.
My mind boggles to think of people hoarding so much money when so many people are without basic necessities. (I could say the same thing about hundreds of billions going for war, and all related to that.)
Anyway, what's with Brooklyn? It's a great place to live. I lived there right across the street from the Brooklyn Museum and the Botanical Gardens and up the block from one of the largest libraries anywhere, and from Prospect Park.
And lots more to recommend it.
Kathy, I'm sure it's a great place. It's just that it's lately been painted as the place where all the hipsters, and especially all the hipster writers hang out. It's a little like what seems to be happening with Dave Eggars and the McSweeney crowd in the Mission district in San Francisco. The kind of place where writer wannabes go and hope something magical will rub off on them.
Who knows, maybe it will.
Well, Brooklyn has 2.5 million people, so I doubt the writers have taken over too much of NYC's most populous borough.
I bet the writers mainly live in Cobble Hill and Park Slope, maybe a few in Ft. Greene and Williamsburg.
But mainly it's a great borough of a conglomeration of working people and middle-class individuals, families, people from all over the globe.
Kathy
Blame the hipsters who write for the New Yorker. The rest of the Borough might as well not exist.
Right, it's not about the real place, it's about the aura it casts afar. I bet working class Valencia Street is not much bothered about the presence of luminaries at 826, though probably half the current MFA candidates want to do an internship there. (Although I think they do good things for kids there.)
Kathy, I think you probably missed this earlier post on what defines Brooklyn cool.
Oh, get it, read the post, too bad that Brooklyn is cited for these "hipsters," and not the real people who, in the main, tend to be regular working folks and their families, having all of the problems of everyday life.
And about the library system, yeah, I'd like to be able to reserve the books in Brooklyn's system. On the other hand, I had the privilege of living up the block from the main Brooklyn library and it was awesome and great, a historic site.
Seana
Mallee farmers are used to locust plagues - they usually hit their crops first and then move down through the state. It's the north-western part of Victoria: dry, red dirt, completely unsuitable for clearing and farming but hey, that's what my great-grandparents did up there (the clearing anyway).
Thanks, Genevieve. I don't know why I was too lazy to look that up myself. It must have been a hard life, but judging by pictures also a stunning landscape to live in.
Kathy,
By coincidence, I watched Arsenic and Old Lace tonight, and was surprised by how many times the reference to its being set in Brooklyn came up. I'm not sure if being described as a borough of hipsters instead of a borough of old lady poisoners is a step up or a step down.
I'd prefer "old-lady poisoners," rather than hipsters. They're probably a lot more interesting--and think of the history they'd tell.
Plus I bet those chocolate chip cookies really knock you out!
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