 |
| "I have seen wicked men and fools, very many of both, and they both get paid in the end, but the fools first." |
In a quaint, old fashioned article in The New York Times Mark Bittman the food critic goes after that softest of soft targets McDonalds, for daring to include oatmeal in their restaurants. Basically he hates the ingredients in their oatmeal which include sugar and preservatives. (I may be wrong but I dont think he actually ate the stuff). He tells us that McDonalds should serve simple oats and water and he links to some lunatic who prepares his own instant oatmeal with coffee mate and dried cranberries. This is what New York Times readers like to hear. Boo! McDonalds is evil. Boo, boo, hiss. We're so much better than those scumbags we see eating in there. Yes, this article is very much preaching to the choir.
...
I do like Mark Bittman though, I've got a signed copy of one of his cookbooks and I've worked with his daughter Kate, but his critique of McDonalds is ironic and very much the pot calling the kettle black. His own recipe for oatmeal in How To Cook Everything is absurd (boil oats and water and add butter!) I've tried the Bittman way and it tastes terrible. I also read the first 75 comments (out of an amazing 550) under the Bittman article and no one provided a good oatmeal recipe. So how do you cook oatmeal? Read on, MacDuff...
1. First of all, its called porridge. Oatmeal is the stuff that you buy in a packet or a box or a can, but when its cooked its called porridge. Porridge, ok? I know the word is used in America because I've used it often and nobody has ever looked askance. 2. Not oats and water. No, no, no. Never oats and water. This is it the secret to good porridge and its real simple: a mug of oats, a mug of water, a mug of full cream milk. Ok? Got that? Add to a pot, light the gas, lets move on.
3. Cook on a low heat stirring all the time. If you're not prepared to do that then forget it. It's only going to take five minutes of your life and if you want you can listen to the radio or meditate or whatever. If you're in a real hurry put it on a higher heat and stir faster, but do not put that bowl of oats anywhere near a goddamn microwave!
4. Add a pinch of salt.
5. Stir until nice and thick.
6. Serve with your favourite sweetener (honey, molasses, brown sugar, maple syrup) and/or cream to taste.
7. No bananas, cranberries, nuts, butter or anything like that.
8. Leave on shelf to cool. Go for walk in woods. Leave front door open so local miscreant girl with blonde hair can enter, eat and cause mayhem.
44 comments:
I'm a big fan of McCann's steel-cut oats to make my porridge. It takes longer than five minutes to cook, but it's a lot better than rolled oats.
Speedskater
Ok here's a tip for the McCann's steel cut:
Boil them up the night before, even for a couple of minutes, or even just pour a hot kettle of water on them. Let them soak until morning and hey presto they become (fairly) quick oats and are delicious.
My favourite Bittman quote comes on page 747 of How To Cook Everything:
"Americans must have been sadly alienated from the kitchen for pancake mixes to ever have gained a foothold in the market, for these are ridiculously easy to make."
Thanks for the tip. Bittman used to publish recipes on the NYT but seems to have stopped that useful practice. Now, he's been given a forum on the NYT to publish about the food industry. Singing to the choir, indeed!
I liked your Bittman pancake quote, as I've often had the same thought. A mix saves no time in making them, and must cost more.
Speedskater
Is the pancake mix an outlier for the decline of western civilization?
Yes.
Why the Kidnapped cover?
read the book and you'll see why.
better yet, give yourself a treat: make some porridge and then read Kidnapped.
Oatmeal or porridge, I have a vague but insistent memory of copious tears and simulated (or perhaps not simulated)retching and heaves over consumption of the stuff.
Then, less than a month ago, I discovered steel cut oats--ah, sweet nutty heaven (oats, water, and a spoon full of marmalade), so thanks for the quick steel cut hint.
I, now might have time, on school days, for my favorite breakfast.
Other things we Americans are silly to buy pre-made:
Bread mixes (If you buy in bulk you can bring the cost of bread to almost zero), spaghetti sauce, veggie stock (all stocks really), all gravy mixes, and seriously, this one hurts my head: hollandaise sauce in a packet.
Yes, it's called porridge in my house, too ;)
And lately I have found a great way to make McCann's steel-cut:
1 cup of water, half a cup of milk and a third of a cup of McCann's mixed together in a bowl. Fill the slow cooker a third full of water and then put in the bowl so the water comes about halfway up the side. Turn on the slow cooker and go to bed.
And when you wake up in the morning, like magic, there's a nice hot bowl of porridge. Add a little brown sugar and some milk and you can take on the day.
Someone emailed me the Bittman article yesterday and for some odd reason I thought of this blog...
I'm not going to get into the whole oatmeal recipe swap. Let's just say that I'm as American as McDonald's Apple Pie and move on.
But speaking of food writers, I really liked B.R. Myers recent foodie book round up in The Atlantic. Sure it's a rant, and a bit over the top, but I've been known to like a blog post or two of that type in my day as well.
Aah,nothing sets you up for the day quite like porridge. Except, perhaps,a full fry-up, or grill-up in these health-conscious times.
You need to emphasize that it's CREAM that goes on the porridge when you're ready to eat. Too many Americans see "cream" and think "milk." Huge difference in the pleasure factor when it comes to porridge. (And sorry, but yes, I do like a bit of butter on mine.)
Shulla
Yeah the steel cut stuff is fantastic. Nutty is a good word.
John
Ahh, very interesting indeed. The slow cooker is great for chicken too. I used to have one in the US but alas not here.
Did you ever hear of the slow food movement? I like those guys.
Seana
Its a great piece. Anthony Bourdain's shtick in particular has worn thin with me. He flies to country X, eats some food, never actually describes it (merely says hmmmm delicious) and then says some banal things about what a great culture country X is.
I like Paul Theroux's rant from Ghost Train To The Eastern Star when some girl he meets on a train says she wants to be just like Michael Palin. "That guy?! But the producer tells him where to stand and what to say?!!!"
Mike
I'm a big fan of the full English. I think it was Somerset Maugham who said that if you want to eat well in England you had to have breakfast three times a day.
Naomi
Yes you're right. Cream. Double cream or whipping cream and brown sugar...not too much but just enough.
I'm with Seana as far as oatmeal recipes. I do want to check out this McCann stuff though.
Man, Roger Ebert could give you about a zillion porridge receipes. All cooked in a rice cooker or something. I love the man but his tangents are legion.
A friend's mum is staying with her over here at the moment as is insisting on porridge every morning. In the 32C, 98% humidity of a Queensland summer.
I love Kidnapped. I just bought Fee a children's version of the book. She's way too young for it, of course, but in a few years she'll love it.
I hope.
Prime her with oatmeal, Jenna, and I'm sure she'll be receptive when the time is right.
Yes, I say oatmeal, because I'm pretty sure the only reason we here in the U.S. know that oatmeal is porridge is because of Goldilock the same thing as and the Three Bears.
Don't blame me, blame Quaker Oats.
Also, what about Cream of Wheat? What about Malt-o-meal? Porridge is just too general for the land of Mad Men.
Glenna
It is worth the effort and the can makes a very attractive nut and bolt box afterwards.
Rob
I am NOT down with the rice cooker. We've had three rice cookers in the last decade, all of them broke within six months of purchase.
Jenna
All time top 10 for me. What a fantastic book.
"Am I no a bonnie fighter, Davie?"
Yes, Alan, you are.
Seana
I dont know about Cream of Wheat but I do enjoy grits when I'm down that way. Had them in Florida a few weeks back and they were pretty tasty.
Grits are great, but they lack the brand name that would take them to the next level.
Seana
For a while there last year I was making the family semolina porridge for breakfast every day. Its quite a bit more work than oats and much trickier to get right but oh God is it delicious.
As I often think, it really would be nice to have a servant for this kind of thing.
And speaking of bonnie fighters...The screenwriter of the Kings Speech should have known better than to go after Christopher Hitchens, he may have terminal cancer.
still a bonnie fighter himself
Yes, he is a bonnie fighter, and though I still don't understand his whole position on Iraq, I wish him well.
They did a Masterpiece Theatre from William Boyd's Any Human Heart the other night, and though it was slow going at first, it pulls no punches when it comes to the Duke of Windsor and his bride. I wondered a bit where Boyd had gotten the nerve, as basically he has the pair seriously betraying a purely fictional character. If either of these recent portraits are true in substance, they must have been ghastly.
Any Human Heart is one of the best things I have seen on TV for absolutely ages. I loved, loved, loved it.
I think when Hitch goes, it will be one of the very few times in my life when I feel 'personal' sadness at a strangers passing. Spike Milligan and John Hughes were the only other times. I still can't watch a John Hughes film.
My sister rates the novel Any Human Heart as one of her top reads in some time. She couldn't believe that she hadn't known about the dramatic version.
I have to say that I was underwhelmed by the first episode. The guy seemed very self-indulgent, and not just in a youthful way. However the situation got a lot more complex as it went on. I think next Sunday is the final episode, and I will be tuned in.
I liked Boyd's Ordinary Thunderstorms when it stuck to the predicament of trying to live rough in London, but he lost me when he turned it into this over the top thriller. He's a good writer, though, as far as the actual writing goes.
By god, I have an urge to forage for porridge.
==========================
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://www.detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Seana, Cream of Wheat® is what I grew up with!
Adrian, if you haven't already caught it on Slate, you might like, or possibly be horrified by this.
Peter, I'm not sure how it would hit your sensibilities either. Thank god it's one test I never had to take.
I've railed enough against dumb editing for one day. Don't get me started on dumb tests, too.
Oddly enough, newspaper stories about new American citizens tend to concentrate more on the flag-waving and the tears than on the test questions.
==========================
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://www.detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
You silly, silly people. Porridge is best with brown sugar, cream, raisins and apple chunks.
Rob
I agree about Hitch. Even where I disagree with him (about Churchill for example) I respect his opinion.
Seana
Did you listen to any of those Guardian short story podcasts at Christmas? My favourite was William Boyd reading JG Ballard]'s My Dream of FLying To Wake Island.
And speaking of authors who are good narrators of other peoples stuff...I took True Grit the audio out of the library. Donna Tartt's narration is fantastic.
Seana
At my citizenship test one of the questions they asked me was who is Current Chief Justice of the United States. I was such a geek that I had memorised every single Chief Justice since 1804.
Peter
The 10 minute Cream of Wheat made with milk is a pretty acceptable substitute for grits.
Lew
Brown sugar and cream yes.
Apples and raisins...heresy.
Based on the Slate story, I'm kind of surprised that your penchant for accuracy didn't make you persona non grata.
I didn't hear the Guardian podcasts, to my sorrow. I'd like to hear Boyd read Ballard.
I noticed that Donna Tartt wrote an afterword to the current edition of True Grit, which probably tells what her connection to Portis is, but since I haven't read True Grit, I haven't read it.
Just about done with Masters of Atlantis. I like it, but it's odd. It isn't riproaringly funny, but it has it's moments.
The Guardian on porridge
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/mar/30/in-praise-of-porridge-editorial
Post a Comment