|Ok so not all Aussie women look like this, but on Chapel|
Street, Melbourne a good percentage of them do, hence the
infamous "Chapel Street Creep"
1. The default position of the average Australian is friendly and nice. (This is not true of my homeland where the default position of the average Ulsterman is dour and suspicious.)
2. Australian meat pies are dodgy but good.
3. Books in Australia are more expensive than in any other country in the world (except NZ where only Peter Jackson and the Prime Minister can afford to buy books).
4. The weather in Melbourne is perfect. The winters are cold but not too cold. The summers are hot but not too hot. There is no humidity.
5. Australians go on about Gallipoli an awful lot. Its lucky they werent at the Somme like my grandfather. Seriously, mate, the Somme makes Gallipoli look like a triumphant success.
6. Australia, somewhat surprisingly, is an incredibly rich country. The money comes from the vast natural resources that Australians have been selling to a booming China. The Aboriginals whose land the natural resources are on, of course, are still in dire poverty. I don't really get why this is so.
7. Aussie Rules is a pretty silly sport. Its adorable that Melburnians get so excited about this parochial stop-and-start inferior form of Gaelic football.
8. Australians don't like pretension. Pretentious Australians are forced to emigrate to England or New York. I'm looking at you Peter Carey, Clive James, Robert Hughes, Germaine Greer...
9. Shane Warne is the Australian most Australian men would aspire to be like. This is a bit of a mixed bag. I dig the sporting talent and the George Best style skills with the ladies but I'm not convinced by the botox, the dyed hair, the whitened teeth...
10. St Kilda is the greatest neighbourhood on planet Earth.
11. Unlike America or England Australia does not generally worship the rich and the upper classes. Again, a very good thing.
12. The Victoria Police are hassling bastards.
13. Australian pop music is the worst in the world.
14. Australian home grown TV is very nearly the worst in the world.
15. Australians are funny. Australian professional comedians are not funny.
16. Australian newspapers are aggressive, competitive and pretty good.
17. Australian beer has improved dramatically in the last 4 years.
18. The best sport in Australia is rugby league: specifically the State Of Origin series.
19. You cannot get a decent cup of black coffee anywhere in this whole country.
20. Tasmania is awesome.
21. The words "hoon" "larrikin" and "bogan" all apply to me.
22. The 19 hour flight to London is a goddamn nightmare. (I've done it six times now.)
22. Not everyone who went to Geelong Grammar School is a wanker but its a pretty high percentage.
23. There is virtually no ideological difference between the Australian Labor Party and the Australian Liberal Party. This makes Aussie politics pretty damn dull.
24. It costs 18 dollars to go to the cinema in Melbourne!
25. The Local Taphouse on Carlisle Street, Balaclava, is my third favourite pub in the world.