Thursday, May 23, 2013

Harvey Pekar

(a repost from July 12, 2010, the day Harvey Pekar died and, I guess, part of my little series on influences that began with JG Ballard last week (I'm surprisingly worked up in this little obit, I'm not quite sure why...))

If it is true that our elite institutions like the BBC, The New York Times, Hollywood, The New Yorker etc. are dominated by middle and upper middle class white males perhaps it explains why we often get so many patronising and phony images of blue collar people in the arts and why artists like Harvey Pekar were so bitter. The establishment in England is largely run by men who went to private school; I expect (although I'm only guessing) that the East Coast establishment in the United States is also largely a closed club of elitist faux liberals who are, in fact, reactionary defenders of their hegemony. Pekar was an angry scourge of corporate America and elites of all shades and with the old boys network against him (famously he was banned from Letterman for badmouthing GE) it's a minor miracle that his epic vision of ordinariness became so well known. His multi volume comic book American Splendor was a paean to everyday life as an office drudge in that most hardluck of American cities, Cleveland. Pekar had no car chases or superheroes in his comic. He was the superhero himself, a superhero who got up in the morning, went to work through the cold, dealt with bureaucracy and tedium, his aches and pains, his petty humiliations and suffering...you know, life. Anomie, weltzschmerz, angst - these were Pekar's muses. But he tempered the misery with a rare intelligence, irony and humour. His parents spoke Yiddish at home and Pekar wrote firmly in the Mittel Europa Jewish tradition of Kafka and Sholem Aleichem, IB Singer and Bruno Schulz. 
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Like Jim Thompson and Charles Bukowski, Pekar was a poet of the mundane, an artist of the regular. He lived a blue collar life amongst blue collar people. I remember years ago watching that ghastly, false Clint Eastwood film Million Dollar Baby and being amazed by the conniving, cheap, unpleasant working class caricatures. That's how they really see us, I thought to myself. Harvey Pekar was the man we sent into the lists to speak for us. He was our knight errant in K Mart jeans and Payless Shoes. Pekar spoke for the losers, the failures, the grifters, the bums, the working poor, the unworking poor. He saw beauty where others saw only despair, he saw abominations where the powers that be saw slum clearance schemes and new developments. He loved old jazz and old records and old books. He liked talking to old people in coffee shops to hear what they had to say. He hated standing behind old ladies in lines at the supermarket. A lot of this made it into his comic books.
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When future generations want to know what life was like in the late twentieth century I don't think they'll bother with the Hollywood movies or the Pulitzer Prize winners or the hipsters writing clever stories in the New Yorker, no, I think they'll probably just read American Splendor instead.

Monday, May 20, 2013

The Israeli Flags In Belfast

I've been reading Tony's Blair's memoir A Journey which isn't as masochistic an exercise as it sounds. It's an interesting book for Blair's take on his own life and it's helping me understand some of the British policies towards Ireland in the 1990's. Tony Blair seems to have been more interested in Ireland than any British Prime Minister since Gladstone: his maternal grandparents were from the County Donegal and he used to spend his summers in that very odd town, Rossnowlagh. The chapter in his memoir on the Irish Peace Process is full of interesting stuff including this little story:

On one visit to Northern Ireland I saw a remarkable demonstration of how the culture of opposition is enforced. Sinn Fein had invited the Palestinians to town. As I landed to stay overnight, I saw the Palestinian flag displayed along the Republican roads of Belfast to welcome their guests. Next day I drove through the town to leave and I saw arrayed along the Unionist enclaves the white and blue flags of Israel. How they got them and how they put them up overnight I'll never know but the moment those Palestinian flags went up Unionist solidarity with Israel was total.

The Israeli flags were always there of course; Blair just hadn't noticed them. There are a couple on the A2 as you drive into my home town of Carrickfergus and there also used to be several flying in Victoria Estate in Carrick (but I didn't see any when I was back home in January). I'm not sure that the reason for the Israeli flags is quite as oppositional as Blair says either. There's always been a feeling of solidarity between the Unionists of Northern Ireland and the Israelis. Perhaps it's something to do with the Bible which every good Presbyterian reads before bed time and the Biblical idea that just as the Jews have found their Promised Land in Canaan, so the wandering tribe of Ulster Scots has found its promised land in the north of Ireland. Blair is also mistaken about the link between the PLO and the IRA which has been longstanding (I remember the big "PLO-ETA-IRA One Struggle" mural on the Falls Road in the 1970's) and something of an embarrassment for American right wing IRA apologists such as Congressman Peter King (R, Long Island) and left wing IRA apologists such as the Kennedys.

The deeper link between Israel and Ireland of course is Albion Perfide: the successive British governments beginning with Lloyd-George's cabinet who made promises to the Jews and Arabs and to the Irish Protestants and Catholics that were mutually incompatible. The sight of competing Israeli and Palestinian flags in far flung Belfast is an odd but ultimately unsurprising commentary on the ironies and dualities of history in the aftermath of the British Empire. The fact that Tony Blair understood none of this, even in retrospect, isn't that surprising either: Like Bill Clinton, Tony Blair was always the brightest boy in the class, but he was never as observant or as perspicacious as he thought he was.

Friday, May 17, 2013

JG Ballard

This is the first in what I hope will be a fun little series about writers and artists that I'm obsessed by. If I don't give up after this effort I'll do pieces on the writers Harvey Pekar, Philip K Dick, Michel Houellebecq & Iain Sinclair, comedians Stewart Lee & Louis CK and the directors Werner Herzog, Errol Morris, Stanley Kubrick and David Lynch.
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According to historian Eric Hobsbawm the twentieth century really began with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand in his car in Sarajevo on June 28th 1914. It was a century dominated by assassinations, cars, aeroplanes, wars, mass production and American pop culture. For me the novelist who perhaps best captured the obsessions and imagery of the twentieth century was the Shanghai-born English novelist J G Ballard. Pigeon holed early as a science fiction writer, for a long time Ballard was not noticed by critics. He had his champions, of course, such as Martin Amis, but in general his books seldom broke through into the popular consciousness until the publication of Empire of the Sun in 1984.

Ballard’s early apocalyptic novels from the 1960's such as The Drowned World and The Crystal World cut against the mainstream science fiction of the time with their concern for the effects of disaster on protagonists’ psychological states. In 1973 Ballard’s most remarkable period as a novelist began with the publication of Crash, a book famously rejected by one London publisher’s reader with the phrase “This author is beyond psychiatric help - DO NOT PUBLISH.” Crash is the story of Vaughan, a television psychologist who is fixated by the sexual power of the car crash and who wishes to die in an auto-erotic accident with Elizabeth Taylor’s limousine. A damning indictment of, and also a love letter to, American celebrity culture, Crash reads as fresh, subversive and lively today as it did forty years ago. It prefigures the deaths of Princess Diana and Grace Kelly and recapitulates the deaths of Franz Ferdinand, JFK and screen siren Jayne Mansfield who was decapitated in the 1967 crash of her Buick Electra 225.

Ballard’s follow up to Crash was a retelling of the Robinson Crusoe story, Concrete Island, about a man who crashes his car and is trapped in it at the junction of many motorway flyovers and sliproads, living desperately on his concrete island and finally dying unseen by the thousands of commuters passing by on their way to work. High Rise (1975) is a funny, perverse and oddly believable novel about the collapse of civilisation’s norms within an apartment building. Satires on the English sense of decorum seldom get this ribald or excoriating.

For me, though, the climax of this period in Ballard’s evolution is the willfully strange, surrealistic novel The Unlimited Dream Company (1979) about a man who hijacks a small plane and crashes it into the Thames in the sleepy suburb of Shepparton. It’s never clear whether the pilot died in the crash or not but certainly some kind of apotheosis takes place and throughout the novel London is transformed into a seething, primordial, tropical city (similar in many ways to the London of The Drowned World) rich with sexual and avian imagery. The Anglo-Saxon world has generally been uncomfortable with the erotic and surreal in serious fiction but Dream Company is a book which treats both these tropes with the gravity they deserve and it may be Ballard’s finest work.

Empire of the Sun (1984) is a novelistic retelling of the young Jim Ballard’s imprisonment in a Japanese internment camp from 1942 - 1945. Although the story is told in conventional matter-of-fact prose the book throbs with Ballard’s usual obsessions: war, repressed sexual desire, cruelty, ruined cities, America, cars, flight. As a novel of people in extremis it is a psychological masterpiece as well as being probably the last great novel to come out of the direct experience of World War Two.

In the 1990's and early 2000's Ballard wrote more volumes of memoir and interesting novels about the growth of advertisement speak, business parks, motorways, urbanisation and the spread of pop culture into all walks of life. In 2009 Ballard died of prostate cancer and the British obituaries were respectful but somewhat restrained in their praise. Ballard had been hard to categorise and he was never completely embraced by the British establishment even after his success in Hollywood. It’s a shame because many of Ballard’s contemporaries have dated rather badly and their books read like peculiar period pieces, but Ballard has hardly dated at all. Like Philip K Dick his voice is that of the clear sighted Cassandra warning us of the perils and strange joys ahead. Ballard agreed with the poet Horace who famously said that “they change their skies but not their souls, those who run across the sea,” which is true even when the seas are black with pollution and the sky is a radioactive hell.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Release Day

My new novel I Hear The Sirens In The Street is released in North America today! It's excellent timing to release a thriller as there doesn't seem to be any competition at all out there at the moment... Sorry what was that you said? Dan who? What? Inferno? What is that?
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If you're new to me I shall endeavour to catch you up about the Duffy series: Sirens is a sequel to The Cold Cold Ground and both these books are about Detective Sergeant Sean Duffy and his career in the RUC (Northern Ireland's police force) in the early 1980's. In Cold Cold Ground Duffy gets mixed up in the 1981 IRA Hunger Strikes and Sirens sees him get sucked into the extraordinary and bizarre DeLorean scandal of 1982/3. The latest review of Sirens was in the Sydney Morning Herald, here. 

The best place to start is probably with The Cold Cold Ground which came out with Seventh Street Books last December. All my novels are always standalone but if you read them out of sequence there may be spoilers involved. The Cold Cold Ground won the 2013 Spinetingler Award, it was one of Audible's Best Books of the Year and it was shortlisted for the 2013 Last Laugh Award (for best satiric crime novel), but it's not everyone's cup of tea. If you're looking for a book with a lot of comforting Irish tropes I'm afraid I can't help you. I should also point out that I relish the demotic, so if you are frightened by ancient Anglo Saxon, Gaelic or Ullans swear words you should probably spend your hard earned dollars elsewhere. 

You can read reviews of The Cold Cold Groundin The Guardian, here
or the Irish Independent, here 
The review in The Times is here. 
The Glasgow Herald's verdict is here 
The Sydney Morning Herald's review, is here
The Irish Times weighs in, here and the 
Irish Sunday Independent adds its two cents, here

If all that sounds intresting, you can get The Cold Cold Ground and I Hear The Sirens In The Street at Amazon.comAmazon.co.uk at your local bookshop if you're lucky enough to live in a place that still has a bookshop.
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Finally for all those people who have been gently pestering me about the audio release of Sirens, I can report that Gerard Doyle has finished his recording and it should be available after midnight on May 14 Eastern Daylight Time on Audible, here. Doyle, as usual, does a brilliant job. 

Sunday, May 12, 2013

15 Things I'd Like To Ban From Contemporary Crime Fiction

Crime fiction has gotten very dull lately hasn't it? I should know because I get inundated with galleys and review copies and most of them are beyond tedious, without a spark of wit or a well turned phrase in any of them. And the cliches, Jesus the cliches. And the violence. Especially violence towards women and children...It's almost impossible to read some of this stuff and it makes me wonder how and why these authors ended up writing it. Were they pressured by editors or a feeling that this is what the market demands? I wonder if they ever get embarrassed. I know I get ashamed when I find myself falling into cliche or hacky situations or when the dialogue sounds tinny and false. I'm guilty, I'll admit it, but I can't be the only one, can I? 
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Things don't have to be this bad. Do you know who Dogme 95 are? They were a group of Danish film makers who decided that movies had gotten too bullshitty and that it might be fun to work within a set of rules that they made up for themselves: no artificial light, no extraneous music, no extensive rehearsals etc. The Dogme 95 films are very interesting: not always successful of course but original, expressive and when they fail they fail in intriguing ways. I don't think you can really do an equivalent of that in crime fiction but here's a little list of 15 things I'd like to see banned (or maybe just a moratorium of 10 years or so) from contemporary crime and mystery fiction that would force authors to think and try just that little bit harder...So, lets get rid of: 

1. Clever serial killers
2. Stupid serial killers
3. Child Murderers
4. Serial Rapists
5. Everything from Scandinavia
6. Torture Porn
7. Working class stereotypes 
8. Architects
9. Gallery owners
10. Books with recipes
11. Detectives baffled by basic scientific facts/mathematics 
12. Detectives who solve crimes with magic or fairy dust (Lizbeth Sallander, the BBC's Sherlock etc.)
13. Detectives who solve crimes with cats
14. Cops who haven't heard of Ernest Hemingway or other basic elements of contemporary culture (this is an extension of #7 above).
15. Super villains. I'll explain this one. There's an entirely fallacious belief out there that gets repeated all the time (I heard JJ Abrams repeating it on TV not ten minutes ago) that a hero is only as good as the villain is bad. The hero is supposedly 'defined by the villain.' This is utter nonsense. In a well made narrative you don't even need a villain or a decent McGuffin you just need a good story and fascinating characters. JJ Abrams worships at the throne of Spielberg but he should remember that the shark in Jaws only appeared on screen for about two minutes and its Spielberg's best movie. And sometimes the most interesting part of the journey is the voyage the hero takes inside his own head. Nach innen geht der Geheimnisvolle Weg, as Novalis said. "Inward goes the way full of mystery." You know?
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Of course with a good story, good dialogue and good characters you can break all the rules above and have yourself a terrific book. But still...you get what I'm talking about... and if you have your own ideas about things you'd like to ban or cliches you'd like to kill please don't hesitate to let me know. 

Friday, May 10, 2013

The Americans

Ok so not everyone on The Americans
looks like a "real person"
The FX show, The Americans, is a bit like a classic "false flag" operation. On the surface it's a TV show about FBI men looking for dangerous Soviet sleeper agents who are out to harm America during the Reagan years. For all I know that's how the show was pitched, but it's not really about that at all; in The Americans it's the Soviet sleeper agents who are the good guys and the FBI men looking for them who are the villains. I like this idea as it's a reversal of a longstanding American TV tradition: I mean we've had mafiosos as good guys, meth manufacturing chemistry teachers as goodies, but until Angelina Jolie's Salt Soviet agents have always been baddies, often the baddest of the bad (see for example the beyond dreadful Russkies in Indiana Jones IV). And yes although the Russians in The Americans are often ruthless operatives (and definitely pathological) they are, at bottom, men and women of honour out to do their best for their country and their way of life. The older Soviet agents in The Americans in particular are all Red Army veterans who heroically fought in the "Great War of The Motherland" against the Nazis. The FBI agents on their trail aren't nearly so interesting or fundamentally decent. They're rather dull functionaries who are working for a Reagan administration which at the time show begins is still supporting the Khmer Rouge, Saddam Hussein and Pinochet's Chile (and which goes onto to invent the Taliban and cook up the treasonous and disgraceful Iran Contra scheme).
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But please don't get the idea that The Americans is a show about black and white characters. It really isn't. It's more complex than that and even the minor players in The Americans get to go against type, to reflect on their actions, to make mistakes and to act, well, like real people. The Americans is as nuanced and as carefully written as Homeland with the added benefit that nobody is as bug eyed crazy as Carrie, as bizarrely beautiful as Brodie's wife or as annoying as Brodie's daughter. And now that I'm thinking of the casting, I love the fact that the actors in The Americans are low key and (for the most part) look like real people. Real people in real situations dealing with real problems and although the show has a lot of action and even (in the season finale) a car chase its essentially a character driven programme that relies on suspense not action to keep the viewer gripped. If Showtime's Emmy award winning Homeland is the, uh, Cadillac of sleeper agent shows on US television, FX's The Americans is the stolid Subaru Outback and anyone who's driven both will know which is the better one to have in your garage/DVD player on a rainy day. 

Monday, May 6, 2013

What I'm Reading

a nippy little thing
Occasionally in emails or tweets or blog comments I get asked what I'm reading at the moment or have enjoyed recently. It's an easy question for me to answer as I've been keeping a meticulous, nerdy, indexed (!) reading log that dates back to 1993. 
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I have no reading plan or set books; I don't read for self improvement (I'm with Dr Johnson on this one); I read exactly what I want to read when I want to (except occasionally when I have to read stuff for the newspaper that I wouldn't normally touch). This then (below) is what my 2013 log looks like so far without the cross referencing, notes and index. The list is in chronological order. The grades are highly subjective, provisional and change frequently as time passes (and as you can see I'm a pretty easy grader).
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1. Plainwater - Anne Carson B
2. The Professor - Terry Castle
3. Just My Type - Simon Garfield B
4. The Generals - (audiobook) Thomas E Ricks A
5. The Antidote - Oliver Burkeman B+
6. Why Does The World Exist - Jim Holt (began in 2012) B+
7. The Yellow Birds - Kevin Powers (began in 2012) B
8. Thinking The Twentieth Century - Tony Judt A
9. Our Times - AN Wilson B
10. The Killer Angels - Michael Shaara A+
11. The Swerve - Stephen Greenblatt D
12. A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again - David Foster Wallace A
13. The Complete Poems of Anne Sexton - Anne Sexton A
14. Desolation Island - Patrick O'Brian (audiobook) B+ * 
15. The Fortune of War - Patrick O'Brian (audiobook) B+ *
16. Daniel Deronda - George Eliot B+
17. A Town Like Alice - Nevile Shute C
18. TransAtlantic - Colum McCann A
19. The Old Ways: a Journey On Foot - Robert Macfarlane (audiobook) B+
20. Hope: A Tragedy - Sholem Auslander A

The books that have really stuck out for me in 2013 so far have been The Killer Angels and TransAtlantic. The only book that was a disappointment was The Swerve. 
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* I'm working my way through the Patrick O'Brian audiobooks for the 4th time.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Thank You!

Many thanks to all the regular readers of this blog because at least partially thanks to your votes, my book, The Cold Cold Ground, has won the 2013 Spinetingler Award for best crime novel!
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I'm really very touched. I put a lot of my heart and soul into that book. It was both harrowing and strangely fun journeying back to the 1981 of my imagination and reliving those childhood days in Victoria Estate in Carrickfergus. I don't find writing particularly easy and I'm not one of those 1000 words before breakfast types but occasionally during the writing process of this book I did feel that I was firing on all cylinders the way a top notch writer presumably feels all the time...
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Anyway many thanks to everyone who voted for me or reviewed me on Amazon, Audible, Good Reads or their blog. When you are published by a small press it's almost impossible for your book to get noticed which is why reader support and reader reviews mean so very much.
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Slainte. 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

It Was A Wandering Daughter Job - Dashiell Hammett's Influence on The Big Lebowski

A post from a couple of years back on The Coen brothers and their links to Dashiell Hammett:
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Joel and Ethan Coen have said that the biggest literary influence on their cult stoner movie The Big Lebowski (1998) was Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep. And from the title and structure of their film you can certainly see what they are talking about. Both works are classic visions of Los Angeles and both films follow similar trajectories: a foil gets involved with a disabled rich man, the rich man's daughter, and a runaway from his family who gets mixed up in pornography. Joel Coen has also said that he was influenced by Robert Altman's 1970's remake of Chandler's The Long Goodbye which gave us a slightly baked version of Marlowe played by Elliot Gould. So the Chandler influences are real and obvious but I want to argue that there's a deeper structure to The Big Lebowski which comes not from Raymond Chandler but from Dashiell Hammett.
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Let's backtrack a little first. The Coen Brothers first foray into Hammett country came with Millers Crossing. This is a fairly explicit remake of Hammett's Red Harvest which the Coens apparently became of aware through Kurosawa's version Yojimbo (which later was remade by Sergio Leone as A Fistful of Dollars and again by Walter Hill as Last Man Standing). Miller's Crossing (and Red Harvest and the others) is a classic story of an outsider playing off two rival gangs for his own benefit, however the Coens not only appropriated Dashiell Hammett's plot-line but also his entire argot: "What's the rumpus?" "She's just a twist," "The high hat," "We're not muscle we don't bump guys" etc. The Coens don't seem to have read Hammett as much digested him, absorbing his street talk, his cadences, his slang, his American tough guy voice. (As an aside here I actually think their use of "What's the rumpus?" as "hello" in Millers Crossing is a misreading of Hammett's use of the phrase in Red Harvest.) The Coens of course are suburban college boys with little experience of the actual "streets" but Hammett was a Pinkerton Detective for nearly two decades investigating murders, robberies, insurance frauds with a little union busting thrown in for good measure. The Coens seem to have used Hammett as one of their touchstones for Americana and the more you read him the deeper you see his influence on their work: Blood Simple, Fargo, Miller's Crossing, No Country For Old Men sometimes read like undiscovered Hammett screenplays; but so also do the comedies Raising Arizona and The Big Lebowski. Hammett and humour don't seem to go together but he could be very funny in both his private life and in his books - The Thin Man is as witty as any PG Wodehouse and here's an experiment: try re-reading The Maltese Falcon as a black comedy and you'll get exactly what I'm talking about. Chandler has those great lines about a blonde so beautiful she would make a bishop kick in a window but Hammett has those lines too and a dark, satirical edge as well. 
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Yes the Coens used The Big Sleep as their skeleton for The Big Lebowski but the irony comes from Hammett: Donny's death, The Nihilists, The Porn King, The Malibu Sheriff - these seem like straight out of Dashiell's playbook not Ray's. The eccentricity and odd digressions are more like Hammett and of course the snap of the dialogue is more authentically Hammettian too. I think subconsciously the Coens knew this and they either gave us a Freudian hint or a deliberate clue late in the film when Jeff Bridges as The Dude encounters a private detective working for Bunny's parents, the Knutsons. "What are you following me for?" The Dude asks. The Private Dick played by Joe Polito (who also played one of the rival gang bosses in Miller's Crossing) shrugs and explains: "It was a wandering daughter job." And of course if you know your Hammett you'll recognise that as the opening line of the great Continental Op short story "Fly Paper". The Big Lebowski was a wandering daughter job all right and ultimately the daughter stays lost, an innocent guy dies and the bad guy keeps the money, but what else would you expect in Hammett's bleak, entropic and blackly comic universe?

Friday, April 26, 2013

What I'm Listening To

I'm working - reasonably - hard on the next Sean Duffy novel and I thought you might like to know what I'm listening to on my down time. I remember talking to Irvine Welsh once about his writing process and he told me that the first thing he did on starting a new novel was to prepare a mix tape (he said tape but surely he must have meant CD) to play while he was writing. I couldn't possibly do that. The slightest thing distracts me and I use it as an excuse not to write. If a tap is dripping in a house three streets over I will stop for the day. But I do listen to a lot of music in and around the writing process. Often during spell and fact checks and on those long diversionary journeys into Wikipedia that take you far far far from where you wanted to go. 
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For the last couple of weeks I've had the Handsome Family on heavy rotation. They're alt folkies from Chicago who very much channel Jim Thompson into their lyrics. Here's two of their songs for your edification. The second one might be my new favourite Christmas song. The first one, an extremely creepy murder ballad, already has 40 plays on my ipod. You can read the chilling and beautiful lyrics to Down In The Ground, here. 

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Jerusalem by Jez Butterworth

Yesterday was St George's Day so I thought I'd trot out this post from last year...
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It's not very fair to review a play on the basis of reading it rather than seeing it performed but this was my only option since Jez Butterworth's Jerusalem has only run on the West End and Broadway and I don't know if it'll make it to Australia anytime soon. I've been hearing a lot about Jerusalem for a while  now so last week I finally thought that I would read the text rather than not have any access to it at all. 
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The first thing to say is that it's a pretty funny piece and with actors doing these lines on stage I can only imagine that it would he hilarious. The story is quite straightforward. It's St. George's Day 2009. Johnny Byron is a "gyppo" who lives in the woods and gets by by dealing speed and marijuana to the surprising array of people in the local village who need a little help to get them through the day. He lives in a caravan that has been the subject of an eviction order by the local council and throughout the morning and afternoon (the day also of the local fair) many of Johnny's friends and relations come by to sponge off him, threaten him, hassle him and warn him that the council is serious this time. Johnny Byron is a self mythologising, Falstaffian antihero and his mate Ginger is a funny and worthwhile sidekick. The supporting characters are in the best traditions of Pinter and Beckett depending on which of the two you find more amusing (for me its Beckett). Jerusalem has an array of tones veering from the romantic and melancholy to the downright silly and although I'm not entirely sure it holds completely together, it mostly does. The beginning of the play was my favourite bit, reading like an extended Pete and Dud sketch complete with "I had that Cheryl Cole in me bed last night" which I imagine had the audience in stitches. It gets more serious towards the end bringing in elements as diverse as Walter Scott, Thomas Hardy and Roald Dahl.
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Jerusalem is a million miles from the traditional British "well made" play and that's a good thing. It is a bawdy, profane, profound work of art that celebrates a notion of Englishness that the English have generally been too diffident and embarrassed to talk about. If you can catch a performance of this somewhere you should go see it and failing that you can probably get the play from your local library and give it a read instead.  

Monday, April 22, 2013

A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again

A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again is a collection of essays by the late David Foster Wallace that includes several of his most famous works in the form. DFW was, in my opinion, a better essay writer than he was a novelist, but that's not as harsh a criticism as it sounds as I think DFW was one of the best American essayists of the twentieth century. In fiction DFW takes himself a little too seriously for my taste even when he's being humorous, but in non fiction, he's funnier, sharper, deeper and more observant. In A Supposedly Fun Thing there are good essays on television and writing (and a rather boring one on tennis) but my favourite piece in this collection is the one about David Lynch that he wrote for Premiere Magazine where he profiles the director without actually meeting him and reviews one of his masterpieces, Lost Highway, without actually seeing the completed movie. You might not think that this would be a successful strategy for a piece of reportage, but it is. The Lynch essay is a work of genius, up there with the best American movie criticism: just as literate as something from Cahiers Du Cinema but much funner and funnier. 
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The piece I really want to discuss though is the title essay which concludes the book. A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again is the story of a cruise DFW took around the Caribbean with Carnival. Although not a deliberate humorist in the style of Mark Twain this essay is probably David Foster Wallace's comic masterpiece. Just as it was a great idea to send the landlubber Twain off on the USS Quaker City, it occurred to Colin Harrison, the editor of Harper's at the time, to send the even more nautically challenged DFW off on a vessel named the MV Zenith (that DFW rechristens the Nadir). He was sent on this cruise by Harrison with the aim I think of showcasing American crassness and vulgarity on the high seas but the essay is richer and more compassionate and more interesting than that. While not exactly blue collar himself DFW has sympathy for blue collar aspirations and most of the time he is not a snob. A lot of the essay, clearly, is a pack of lies but lies for comic effect which I think is entirely forgivable especially in a tall tale of the sea. Jonathan Franzen has criticised his friend DFW for making shit up in his non fiction, but I think DFW was pledged to what Werner Herzog calls ecstatic truth - a kind of emotional truth that is truer than what actually actually happened. (Franzen has only been as funny as DFW once when he too had a very funny scene coincidentally set on cruise ship.) A Supposedly Fun Thing has moments of high comedy, low comedy, slapstick, sarcasm, dry humour and of course dead pan irony. 
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As I say the editor for this essay was Colin Harrison who was my editor for four books at Scribner's and the general editor for the one article I wrote for Harper's. Harrison does a pretty good job here. One wonders how long the first draft DFW handed in actually was because the final version runs to over two hours (for an essay) on audiobook, but, I should strees, it's two hours that fly by. I can't predict anyone else's sense of humor but I laughed out loud many times listening to this piece and there were quite a few Sedarian moments of wry amusement too. If I had to fault DFW and Harrison for one thing its the use of the word 'vector'. If you were to have a vodka shot or a glass of wine every time something is being vectored in Fun Thing you would be pretty much shitfaced by the end of it.
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If you want to check out a riposte to A Supposedly Fun Thing you can read Tina Fey's Bossy Pants which apparently includes a positive cruising story that riffs on DFW. You can read it. I think I'll give it a miss.  

Saturday, April 20, 2013

One Of My Favourite Noirs

One of my favourite noirs has sneaked its way onto youtube so if you havent seen it this is your chance before it gets deleted. The film begins at 1:33, my favourite bit begins at 58:10 and lasts for the next minute or so, an extraordinary scene where Barry Sonnenfeld's camerawork, Carter Burwell's score and Joel Coen's directing all blend seamlessly (I love the fact that the music stops as the engine stalls just to increase the tension)...The film is a slow burn classic but the existential ending is in a league by itself. And dont you love Dan Hedaya's chin in the still below?

Friday, April 19, 2013

I Hear The Sirens: The First American Review


Booklist Advanced Review

Issue: May 1, 2013

I Hear the Sirens in the Street * (starred review)

McKinty, Adrian (Author)

May 2013. 318 p. Prometheus/Seventh Street, paperback, $15.95. (9781616147877). Prometheus/Seventh Street, e-book, (9781616147884).

A headless torso found in a suitcase presents just the kind of case Detective Inspector Sean Duffy of the Royal Ulster Constabulary wants to pursue, even after he’s ordered to let it go. When the victim is identified as an American poisoned with a rare plant, and the suitcase is found to have belonged to Martin McAlpine—an army reservist and brother of a baronet killed months earlier, presumably by the IRA—the case becomes even more interesting. Especially after the detective who did a perfunctory investigation of McAlpine’s murder reopens that case and is himself murdered.

It’s 1982, when violence in Northern Ireland threatens to escalate after Britain’s invasion of the Falkland Islands pulls away troops that support the RUC. In this pitch-perfect sequel to The Cold Cold Ground (2012), the second in the author’s Troubles Trilogy, Duffy is nearly overwhelmed by politics. This is crime fiction at its best: a police procedural with dialogue that’s crisp and occasionally lighthearted; blistering action that’s often lethal; McKinty’s mordant Belfastian wit; and a protagonist readers won’t want to leave behind when the trilogy ends. 

— Michele Lebe

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

How To Read Thomas Pynchon

I took time out last week to re-read the Thomas Pynchon novel Inherent Vice. I read and reviewed it in 2009 and I think because I was reviewing it for the newspaper I was a bit overly circumspect about the book. I liked it much better this time. The final act is a mess but there are a lot of good jokes and the first 100 pages really capture the flavour of LA in the late 60s and early 70s. 
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Now don't ask me how I know but I know that a lot of you out there have never finished a Thomas Pynchon novel; you've tried but it's never quite worked out. You sat down in a comfy chair with a mug of tea and a packet of McVities Chocolate Digestives and everything was great for a bit but then you found yourself hurling Gravity's Rainbow across the room in exasperation. This is a problem for me. I like Pynchon very much and I want you to like him too so I thought I would provide you with a little reading list primer that will help you get into the books...
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1. Inherent Vice: read this one first. It's a crime novel set in a slightly exaggerated version of 1970's LA. It's full of stoners, groovy language, flower power and a crazy plot and its got lots of pop culture references that everyone should get. 
2. The Crying Of Lot 49: after I.V. you should be able to handle Lot 49 which is basically set in the same milieu and is only a little bit weirder and more paranoid. 
3. Vineland: America in the early 80's. Reagan, Star Wars, Brock Vond. And again most people should be able to get the refs. These three books form a thematic trilogy of sorts and should be accessible to anyone. 
4. Gravity's Rainbow: Pynchon's WW2 novel which won the National Book Award. His best book? Probably, yes. It's quite a difficult text but by no means impossible to read especially in a trade paperback edition with big clear print. You'll need to know your early twentieth century culture quite well to get all the refs this time. 
5. V: my favourite Pynchon. A paranoid romp through the early twentieth century. Very abstract, strange and off putting for the uninitiated. But a great read once you get the momentum of the story. 
6. Mason & Dixon: the story of Mason & Dixon surveying the land that will become the North and South of the USA. This is my second favourite Pynchon. It's written in eighteenth century prose so it could be tricky for some people, but not for those with Clarissa, Tom Jones or even Neal Stephenson under their belts. 
7. Against The Day: This is for completists only. A dense, difficult story of turn of the century America. My favourite scenes were set in a beautifully crafted wild west Denver. 
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Additionally: Mortality And Mercy In Vienna, a strange out of print novella that I read in the Columbia University stacks before it got stolen and Slow Learner a nice collection of short stories, the highlight of which is probably Entropy.  

Sunday, April 14, 2013

I Hear The Sirens

Sue Turnbull's review of I Hear The Sirens In The Street from last weekend's Sydney Morning Herald and Melbourne Age. I pledge my undying love to any reviewer who actually gets my jokes!
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I Hear The Sirens In The Street
CRIME FICTION
By Adrian McKinty
Serpent's Tail,  $29.99

According to Ian Rankin's blurb for I Hear the Sirens in the Street, this crime novel ''blew'' his ''doors off''. To which I might add, ''and it rattled my windows too''. Given the context, Northern Ireland in the 1980s, the explosive metaphors are apt. Adrian McKinty, Belfast-born and now Melbourne resident, has a way with words. Try this selection of bons mots from the first 12 pages: entropic, simulacrum, ostinato, glissando, dissonance and kakistocracy. I had to look that last one up. It means ''government by the worst of men''. I am now deeply indebted to McKinty for introducing this useful noun into my repertoire. I intend to use it on a daily basis.

Now sample some of McKinty's cultural references from chapter one, bearing in mind the period: Chopin, Saint-Saens, Arvo Part, Paul Weller, the Bay City Rollers, Jackson Pollock, the TV series Dallas, Outlaw of Gor and Willy Loman (the salesman who ''died'' in Arthur Miller's play) - or, rather, think ''Willy Lomanesque'', since, with a deft suffix, McKinty turns a character into an adjective. Inventiveness is part of the McKinty repertoire, too.

While the eclectic vocabulary and the cultural allusions are diverting in themselves, they are there in the service of a plot, and it's not a bad one at that. Detective Inspector Sean Duffy of the Royal Ulster Constabulary and Detective Constable McCrabban have been called to a deserted factory where an overzealous, superannuated security guard opens fire on them despite their protestations:

''We're the police!!''
''The what?''
''The police!''
''I'll call the police!''
''We are the police!''
''You are?''

Duffy and McCrabban are tracking a blood trail, as reported by the nightwatchman, that leads them to a dumpster containing a suitcase into which the torso of a well-preserved man in his 60s has been stuffed. As the security guard dry-heaves behind them, the two professionals conduct their assessment of the corpse with the cool detachment of those only too familiar with dismembered bodies.

But then, this is bomb-blasted Northern Ireland, several years into a civil war. The shops and cafes are boarded up, the parks and playgrounds are vandalised while ''bored ragamuffin children of the type you often saw in Pulitzer-Prize-winning books of photography'' are sitting ''glumly on the wall over the railway lines waiting to drop objects down onto the Belfast train''. Forget the Pulitzer-Prize-winning photographer, McKinty has the ability to capture an image in words that says it all.

Duffy's daily routine is a grim one. Coffee and a quick check under his BMW for any ''mercury tilt'' explosives before he heads off on the job of identifying the torso in the suitcase - a task repeatedly diverted by other emergencies, including, for example, a ''half-hearted sort of riot'' on a depressed housing estate. It's hard to get things done in the midst of an ongoing battle.

Throughout it all, Duffy keeps his cool - and, for the most part, his sense of humour. Despite the shenanigans of civil war, this is a very funny book that benefits from a knowledge of recent history. Take Duffy's visit to the ''real'' American DeLorean car factory in West Belfast. The fact John DeLorean went bankrupt in 1982 casts an ironic glow over an encounter that ends with Duffy seducing his secretary armed with a few Starsky and Hutch moves and a bowl of spaghetti. I Hear The Sirens In The Streets concludes with a teaser for the next in the series, And in the Morning I'll be Gone. Expect more doors to be blown off.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Where And When Does Game Of Thrones Take Place?

I've been reading reviews of Game of Thrones by newbies in the last few weeks that talk about the "medieval world" George RR Martin created for the books and while its true that Martin was heavily influenced by Tolkien, the age of chivalry and the Wars of the Roses actually Game of Thrones has a different provenance which sets the GOT universe not in the past but in the future. I shall explain. 
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High fantasy in its present form was more or less invented by JRR Tolkien. Tolkien's Middlearth is a reimagined prehistoric Europe with languages based on old Norse, old Welsh and old Irish, but that's about the only similarity to the real old Europe, Tolkien's Europe (actually Eurasia) exists on a planet in a parallel universe where (according to the Silmarillion) the sun went round the Earth and the world was originally flat. This is not the past history of our planet Earth but an alternative mythological history of a planet with a passing resemblance to our own. 
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High fantasy as a genre exploded in the US in the 1960's after the paperback publication of Lord of the Rings but followers in Tolkien's tradition were not remotely consistent (thank goodness) as to where and when their books were actually taking place. Sometimes the fantasy writers set their novels in an ancient Earth, or sometimes a parallel Earth or quite often they offered no explanation at all of where the events of the novel were taking place. One of my favourite devices was the trick Stephen Donaldson did in his Thomas Covenant series where the reader (and protagonist) wasn't sure whether the universe was real or merely taking place inside the hero's own head. Still the vast majority of these novels had swords and horses and blacksmiths and if it wasn't our world itself the planet still had a curiously Earth-like feel that perhaps wasn't entirely logical. 
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But there was another conceptual space for high fantasy, that of the Dying Earth, and in this construct, largely developed by Jack Vance, dragons, swords, magic, different races of men etc. are all possible because we're dealing with the Earth millions of years from now when the continents have changed shape, technology has fallen or been forgotten and human and animal evolution has continued along its merry way. George RR Martin was and is a huge fan of Jack Vance and has edited a tribute volume of stories explicitly set in Vance's world; therefore, it seems to me, that it makes more logical sense to regard Game of Thrones as taking place not in some version of our medieval past but in fact in the far future when, who knows, the continents might have become like they are in the map at the beginning of GOT and some humans may have evolved extraordinary physical and mental abilities that to paraphrase Arthur C Clarke are indistinguishable from magic. Dragons too may have evolved and the more useful animals such as cows and horses would still be around.
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The Dungeons and Dragons universe largely takes place on the Dying Earth (my favourite module, Expedition to the Barrier Peaks, being the exemplar here) and if you're interested in this idea, let me point you to the work of Gene Wolfe whose Dying Earth Book of the New Sun is probably my favourite fantasy series in this genre. I'm also a fan of the almost completely forgotten Road to Corlay trilogy by Richard Cowper.
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Some of my other geeky Game of Thrones posts here:
Accents In Game of Thrones
Accents in Game of Thrones part 2
The time when my brother and I rather cheekily broke into the Great Wall set.
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As a final little aside it was nice to see the bridge over the River Main at Shane's Castle getting used as the scene for the duel between Jaime Lannister and Brienne. I remember having a wooden sword fight in those woods and on that bridge with my little brother when I was a kid. 

Monday, April 8, 2013

Inferno by Dan Brown

(The new Dan Brown novel Inferno will be released on May 15. I was lucky enough to get a galley from Doubleday and remarkably chapter 1 of Inferno is called The Lost Squirrel and coincides exactly with the chapter I found online and released here on this very blog 2 years ago...Amazing, eh?)

Chapter 1 The Lost Squirrel

Robert Langdon woke from a dreamless sleep in his Cambridge apartment near Harvard University, America’s oldest and finest college of higher learning. Sleep, he knew, was a habit shared by all mammals and most invertebrates. No one understood why sleep was so necessary for these life forms but Robert Langdon knew that dolphins only slept with half their brain at any one time, otherwise they would drown. Dreams were another of the many domains of Robert Langdon's expertise. Freud, of course, was not the first to interpret dreams; famously Joseph of the Israelites, exiled in the land of Egypt, had become an expert dream reader for the pharaohs.

Robert Langdon got out of bed and walked across the carpet. Carpets had been covering the homes of human beings since weaving was discovered by the Sumerians in the second millennium BC. His carpet had not however come from Sumeria, but rather from the Ikea on I-95. It was 5.55 in the morning the same time philosopher Immanuel Kant woke each day for his constitutional walk around the city of Konigsberg. Kant was so regular that shopkeepers could set their watches by him. Now of course Konigsberg had been renamed Kaliningrad and was no longer in East Prussia but rather in the odd Russian exclave of Kaliningrad Oblast. Chuckling Robert Langdon wondered if the Knights of the Teutonic order would have been happy with that state of affairs.

“Oh tempora, oh mores,” he said in Latin, once the universal language spoken by all cultured peoples but now a mere tool for academics and the esoteric tongue of the Vatican.

In the kitchen the Harvard University wall calendar told him that it was Tuesday. Tuesday, he thought, remembering that it was named for the Norse god Tiu, the equivalent of the Roman god Mars. Tuesday was the second day of the week, coming between Monday and Wednesday. Tuesday and Thursday were the only days of the week that began with a T, although Thursday's T was a soft one, not a hard one.

Robert Langdon opened his Northland 3000 refrigerator, the most expensive fridge in the world. He took out a pint of milk. Milk he knew came from the lactation glands of cows. All female mammals lactated. He wondered if duck billed platypuses did so. Hmm, he thought, if only there was some device that could give him that information easily. Some kind of encyclopedia - perhaps stored electronically. If such a device existed you wouldn’t need everything explained all the time, because you could assume that people weren’t idiots and they could just look stuff up they didn't know.

He poured the milk into his bowl of cornflakes. Cornflakes of course had been developed by William Keith Kellogg as a health food, but now were consumed across the world by all cultures. He ate quickly. The Harvard University pool where he swam each morning opened at 6:30 and that only gave him fifteen minutes to get dressed in his trousers and polo neck. Trousers of course had been popularized by Beau Brummel following the sans culottes revolution in F-

The phone rang. “Is this Bob Langdon?” a guttural voice asked. A voice that seemed to be speaking from another dimension entirely, maybe even another universe. Modern physics had proven that many universes existed - the multiverse it was called - but telephone conversations between the universes had never been thought possible. Perhaps until today!

“This is Semiotics Professor Robert Langdon of Harvard University, America’s oldest and finest institution of higher learning.”

“I’m a Boise State man myself, listen Bob, we live just across the street and your car alarm has been going off for the last fifteen minutes, can you come out and turn it off, please.”

Robert Langdon knew that alarms had existed since Roman times when the sacred geese on the Capitol hill had alerted the sleeping citizens that an attack by the Celts was imminent.

"Can you go outside, please, pal. We want to get back to sleep.”

"Did you know that dolphins only sleep with half their br..." Robert Langdon began but the phone was dead. It reminded him that the first phone call had been made in this very city by Alexander Graham Bell who had unfortunately not taught at Harvard but rather at the inferior Boston University.

Professor Robert Langdon dressed and went outside. The alarm on his Porsche Boxster S was indeed sounding. Porsche was a German company founded in 1931 by Ferdinand Porsche, but that was not important right now, what was important was the alarm.

He turned it off with a push on his infrared key button. Robert Langdon was worried. What could possibly have set off this alarm in the first place? He examined the car’s roof. It was covered with squirrel poop. Squirrels were a type of rodent common in North America and Europe. The squirrel was in the tree, naked and afraid. Could it have jumped on the roof and started the alarm, shat itself and jumped off. No. That didn't seem likely at all. What struck Robert Langdon about the poop was the fact that if you cocked your head and looked at it in a funny way it seemed to be arranged in an aleph, first letter of the Hebrew alphabet and key to the ancient wisdom of the Zohar. A chill coursed through him.

“I have a terrible feeling,” he said out loud to no one in particular “that I am about to be thrust into another one of my strange adventures.”

The wind blew from the north, which in this hemisphere was where the polar regions lay. He turned up the collar on his coat and headed towards the Georgian buildings of Harvard University, America’s oldest and finest institution of higher learning.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

The Most Terrifying Film I've Ever Seen

We're always on the look out for films to watch as a family here at Casa McKinty and one good way of finding those films is to look at the IMDB list of top 100 family movies. We've gradually made our way through that list, but the elephant in the room is the film sitting there at the very top. No it's not Dumbo (all that talk of elephants threw you didn't it?) its Toy Story 2, a film I'm reluctant to show to the kids because I found it to be the stuff of nightmares. I was quite unnerved by Toy Story because of its scary premise and the fundamental ontological and existential doubts generated by this premise, but Toy Story 2 was an even more harrowing experience. 
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Toy Story is about a boy growing up and playing less and less with his toys as he finds other interests. Somehow these toys have become sentient and because the boy no longer cares for them they are condemned to spend years living a life of sadness and neglect until they eventually get thrown out. Thrown out, yes, but they don't actually die do they? No apparently they just kind of live on forever in their plastic bodies, moving from landfill to landfill, long since driven mad by their own longings and loneliness, until they finally get smothered at the bottom of one the Dying Earth's garbage heaps. Two billion years of existential torture will pass until the sun expands and vaporises the planet bringing merciful release from these cruel and completely undeserved torments.
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Toy Story 2 is an even more challenging and unpleasant film. We learn that toys come alive in their boxes and can spend their entire existence in these boxes if they are purchased by a collector. What a nightmare buried alive scenario that is! But thats not all. We also see toys attacked by animals, abused by humans, we see toys fight with one another and then play dead when a God-like human enters. We see toys dismembered and disfigured and put together again in slipshop Frankenstein fashion. Remember these are sentient creatures who suffer just like you and me. They live in fear and they can feel pain. I don't think Toy Story 2 is supposed to be an allegory but it reminded me of the arbitrariness of life for civilians under Nazi occupation. Two of the writers on Toy Story were Joss Whedon and Andrew Stanton neither of whom are strangers to existential or moral questions. But at least with Buffy or Wall-E there is a candle of hope in the abyss. In Toy Story 2 the abyss is the world itself and that world is unjust, cruel, random, pitiless, and ultimately pointless. There are pockets of love and affection yes but these fleeting moments must be small comfort in the eons of loneliness and tears.
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I'll admit that I don't really understand the metaphysical conceit of the Toy Story films. Toys come to life through the love of children? That can't be right because on many occasions unloved toys just out of the factory and in shops are also alive. How does this happen? Is it just because they are toys? If I draw two eyes on a white sock will it also gain sentience? If I draw a face on a brick will the brick be alive in the Toy Story universe? If I draw a nose and mouth on my hand will my hand have become sentient? And once created do these toys need no mental or physical sustenance? How does this not deny the Second Law of Thermodynamics? Are some toys born evil like Chucky the Doll? Can a toy go bad? Do they have free will? How does a toy fall from grace? And why do they conceal their sentience from us? Even the bad toys in Toy Story never act up in the presence of a human. What are they afraid of? Did the God who gave them life threaten to take it away if the secret ever came out?
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Ok, ok, like my horror movie blogpost two posts ago, I understand that Toy Story and Toy Story 2 (there's no way I'm seeing Toy Story 3) are only movies and that we are supposed to suspend disbelief and just enjoy, but I'm afraid that I cant do that. Some of the images of Toy Story have become incorporated into my visions of hell - the toys worshipping the great claw that comes to pick them up from their dark nether world, toys waiting forever in dusty boxes like brain damaged coma patients, toys ripped apart by careless children and dogs...These are grim and Orwellian ideas and worse I think than anything dreamed up by Dante or Bosch. Nope the kids can watch these films on their own, I'm not getting involved...

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Which Baseball Team Are You Allowed To Root For?

A blue collar team with no Hollywood phoney fans...oh, er...
I'm reblogging this from two years ago because after a dreary and depressing off season we're just a few days away from Opening Day.. (And if I can just add that of the four teams I follow across a world of sports (Coventry City FC, Liverpool FC, St Kilda FC, and the New York Yankees I think its not unreasonable to suggest that because of poor long term management thinking the NYY are going to have the worst season of the 4 and their worst season in a long long time)...
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In a pretty silly article in The New York Times Joe Queenan said that the only people who are allowed to be Yankees fans are those who were born or live in the Bronx and Yonkers. Every other New Yorker apparently has to be a Mets fan if they are not to be derided as a phoney. When I emigrated to America I lived in Harlem for 7 years, a district of the city Queenan apparently forgot about; try wearing a Mets hat on 135th Street or in Washington Heights and see how far that gets you mate...But I take Queenan's point. The Yankees have a lot of money and many wanker types like to jump on a winning bandwagon although they know nothing about baseball. So which baseball team are you allowed to support without having to bear the taunts of bandwagonitis? I have devised a formula using Venn diagrams, the differential calculus and advanced mathematics which will reveal the answer...
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First of all let me explain that I'm only talking about Major League Baseball. All minor league teams are equally rootable, but my favourites are the Brooklyn Cyclones, the Albuquerque Isotopes and the excellent Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs.
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Ok onto the majors...The first big cut is any team that has won the World Series in the last 25 years. If you root for any of those teams you are a bandwagon jumping hoor and that is not cool. This eliminates: The Reds, The Twins, Toronto, Atlanta, the NYY, Miami, Arizona, Anaheim, Boston, Chicago WS, the Cardinals, the Phillies, Kansas City, the Mets, the Dodgers, the Giants and the A's. This leaves us with:
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Baltimore, Cleveland, the Cubs, Detroit, the Rockies, Houston, Milwaukee, Seattle, Tampa, the Pirates, the Rangers, the Padres and the Nationals. We can immediately eliminate both Texas teams because they are from Texas. We can kill Cleveland because the film Major League destroyed any chance of them ever being cool again and we can get rid of Seattle, San Diego and the Colorado Rockies because Seattle, SD and Denver are fey, white, and fairly boring places. (This pains me to say it because I've been to about 150 Rockies games and about a dozen Mariners games and they were all fun). I'd also like to get rid of both Florida teams (I've already eliminated Miami) because no one goes to the games or seems that enthusiastic about non spring training baseball and they just don't deserve it. (Miami should be the best supported team in baseball because of the million plus Cubans living there but somehow they just dont go.) What's left then? Baltimore, Washington, The Cubs, The Detroit Tigers, The Milwaukee Brewers and the Pittsburgh Pirates. Ok I'm going to cut Baltimore because although they've got the whole Wire thing going on and Baltimore apparently can be a hellhole their logo is a cartoon bird and Camden Yards is a very nice place full of yuppies. I'm going to cut Milwaukee because they were a creation of Bud Selig and Milwaukee always makes me think of Joanie and Chachi. That only leaves four teams that it is acceptable to be a fan of:
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The Detroit Tigers, The Cubs, The Nationals and The Pirates. I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut the Tigers. They won the WS relatively recently (just outside my 25 year limit) and although Detroit is clearly fucked, the opening titles of Magnum P.I. kind of ruined the Tigers forever for me. Sorry Detroit - that one I feel bad about. I'll cut the Nationals too because although they've got an exciting young team its Washington DC for Chrissake. Who are we left with? The Cubs and The Pirates. Well you've got to like the Cubs because they havent won the WS since 1908 and they are cursed by the mighty jinx and all, but everybody roots for the Cubs especially toothy little suburban white kids in John Hughes movies, so I'm afraid the Cubs are going too. Which means that:
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The Pittsburgh Pirates are only team in Major League Baseball that you are allowed to root for. The Pirates have everything a baseball team should have: a proud history, an alliterative name, a cool logo, a blue collar city and a disastrous recent record. According to Wikipedia "On September 7, 2009, the Pittsburgh Pirates were defeated by the Chicago Cubs 4-2. The loss was the Pirates' 82nd of the year, and it clinched for them the longest streak of consecutive losing seasons in any North American professional sport." Last season they were riding high but we all knew that heartbreak was just around the corner. The Pirates always get your hopes up and crush them. Always. (Kinda like St Kilda FC here in Australia but thats another story) No, it really doesn't get any better than the Pirates for street cred fandom. See you at PNC Park buccos fans.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

A Theory About Horror Movies

My older daughter was at a sleep over party last week where they watched a horror movie. It was a whole bunch of girls together and none of them seemed to be particularly affected by the film, except for my daughter who was pretty disturbed by the experience. We don't watch horror movies in our house and I think this was the first one she had ever seen. She's had bad dreams for a week now and has vowed never to watch another horror film. I'm not surprised that the movie affected her like this. I've only ever seen two horror films in my life and both of them really disturbed me, and I think I have a theory why it is that I (and possibly my daughter too) get so upset by these kinds of movies. 
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Sociopaths (bear with me here, I know what I'm doing) have no capacity for empathy for other human beings. They can't put themselves into the shoes of other people and therefore have no problem using those people as means to their own ends. There are degrees of sociopathy, of course, and not at all sociopaths are violent, but some are, serial killers for example. Just as 1-2% of the population have sociopathic tendencies, it's my theory that on your standard bell curve there must be 1-2% of the population who have too much empathy for other humans. If I'm correct and one of those people is me we are simply not capable of watching a slasher or horror film because we have excessive empathy for the victims in the picture. The first horror film I saw was Friday The Thirteenth which involves teenagers getting serially murdered by a maniac. I did not enjoy the experience of watching that movie at all. All around me people were laughing, hiding behind their hands etc. but I was utterly aghast  at the poor kids who were being slaughtered. I thought about them for weeks afterwards, wondering how they could have escaped their fate and the emotional damage their murder must have inflicted on their siblings and parents. This, I gather, is not what is supposed to happen in a horror film...what I think is meant to happen is that you get a quick thrill from the murder and then you move on to the next shocking development carried along by the narrative. You are not supposed to be so traumatised that you want to stop the movie. But I reckon if you are one of the 1-2% of us on this theoretical empathy scale you have trouble separating fiction and reality - for people like us suspending our disbelief isn't the problem, for us the problem is remembering that all these individuals in the movie are only pretending to get hurt, the blood isn't real, the knives aren't real and no one actually died here at all. 
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I think this may also be why I have so much trouble liking supposedly frothy middle of the road murder mystery shows like Elementary, Monk, Sherlock, CSI etc. - in a lot of these dramas the show begins with a violent murder (on Elementary it's often incredibly violent) and after that I don't really care how the mystery gets solved or what's going on in the personal lives of the detectives because I'm still reeling from the emotional trauma of the pre title murder sequence. (I also find it very bizarre that on American TV you can show someone getting their throat cut but you are still not allowed to say the word shit, a word which is in Chaucer.) In fact now that I think about it, maybe I dont have the problem at all. Maybe the problem is you. I actually wonder how anybody can enjoy programmes or films which begin with an act of shocking, lurid violence (often against young women). Why do you read torture porn novels and watch tv programmes like this? Why don't you care about the victims? How can you compartmentalize? What the hell is the matter with all of you?