Wednesday, March 16, 2016

10 Things In Ireland That Are Different From The Rest Of The World

this is a post from last year that I'm recycling for St Patrick's Day, ok on with our list, 10 things in Ireland that are different than the rest of the world:

1. Everyone hates Bono. In the rest of the world most people hate Bono but in Ireland its everyone, including, of course, Bono. 
2. No one says "it's raining". It's redundant to say it's raining. We know it's raining. It's always raining. 
3. The Guinness is good. It's not good anywhere else in the world. No one can explain why but there it is. 
4. If someone calls you a "fucking cunt" it's not necessarily a bad thing. For example: "ach that wee fucking cunt, aye, he's a great wee lad, isn't he?"
5. If someone calls you "pal" run. You are about to get glassed in the face. 
6. Sense of humour. George Orwell says that the worst thing you can call an Englishman is "nosey parker"; the worst thing you can say about an Irishman or woman is to complain that they lack a sense of humour. If someone - a dour Presbyterian from Ballymena perhaps - appears to be humourless rest assured that you are being mocked in a deadpan style so elevated that it wd give Steven Wright pause. 
7. The past isn't past. You know that hoary old William Faulkner quote "the past isn't dead, it's not even past"? Well no one in Ireland, especially N. Ireland wd ever say that. Drive around Belfast and look at the murals saying "Remember 1916" or "Remember 1690" and you'll appreciate that the past is very much alive. 
8. Poetry. Only in Ireland is the poetry section of the bookshop bigger than the self help section. This is a good thing. 
9. Music. Nearly everyone in Ireland can play a musical instrument. This is one of the reasons why we hate Bono so much. Because he can't. 
10.A healthy breakfast. When I was a kid there were 2 breakfasts to be had in Belfast: 1) the quick breakfast: a cup of tea and a cigarette. 2) an Ulster fry: fried eggs, potato bread, soda bread, sausage, bacon, black pudding & sometimes white pudding (don't ask) - the healthy version wasn't fried in lard.